Everything is Wrong.

Wow. I kind of forgot about this blog. It's hard to write random blog posts to you, Amy, when we talk on the phone like 300 times a day. It's not like I have anything new to type...

I still have my stupid job. I still fucking hate it. My boss was gone for a few weeks and I was deadly ill, but now that we're both back in the office he is bugging the shit out of me. I want him to leave the art department permanently and let me and Coop just run the joint. He is completely out of the loop and driving me nuts with his ridiculous directions. I have no major stories to back this bitching up, but it's always the same.

Also, I'm having all my health issues, which I won't go into again. But they're rubbing me the wrong way along with everything else.

And to top things off, I think fucking Hillary is going to get the nomination over Obama...which pisses me the hell off. I was at the laundromat earlier, watching the returns come in, and I got SO excited when they showed all the states that Obama had won. He won so many more than Hillary, it was amazing. But he was winning all the small states, which means he got fewer delegate votes than Hillary, which means come November I'm going to have to vote for the lesser of two evils yet AGAIN. I was so excited to maybe just ONCE have the possibility of voting for someone I actually WANTED to vote for rather than a damned robot. Boo.

That's enough bitching for now.

I'm Officially on a Diet.

So ever since my father told me that I looked fat in the pictures that my mom and I took while she was here, I've been contemplating losing about 5-10 pounds. You know this. So in any case, my fat Asian ass decided this weekend to go and buy some Lean Cuisines. I mean, every girl at my job is trying to be skinny, so our communal refrigerator is stocked with Lean Cuisines, fat- free dressing, and all kinds of raw vegetables. All of the girls go "out" for lunch, bringing back salads with NO dressing, and then take their fat-free dressings and put a tablespoon of it into their greens, and call it a lunch. My friend, who is on a strict diet and works out almost every single day, convinced me that eating these low-cal Lean Cuisine meals would really help me to lose some weight. Safeway was having a sale on these frozen lunches, which are packaged in these super tiny boxes... so I bought six of them. The funny thing was that since they were on sale, the freezer was practically empty. The only meals that were left were the not-so-good tasting ones, like chicken with vegetables. We looked at the sections that were especially sparce, and apparently everyone who is on a diet was interested in eating the Lean Cuisine pizzas, steak and cheese, and all of the other fatty sounding meals.

In any case, I was really proud of myself for buying some, and decided that starting today, I would eat healthy. I got to work and ate some yogurt, granola and honey for breakfast. By 11 a.m., I was ready to eat my lunch. At noon, I went and microwaved my swedish meatball and pasta meal. I finished, and was ravenous. Normally, I stuff a container with whatever it was that I ate the night before-- macaroni and cheese, spaghetti, lasagna, or rice and sausage-- so this was a serious issue for me. By 2 p.m., I was scouring my desk for something else to eat, and found a Korean Choco-pie. That's like a Moonpie. Then, one of the girls on my team brings out this big ass thing of cookies she brought from Taiwan, and I started eating those. Then, I went downstairs to meet with another department, and ate a huge handful of Skittles. By the time 5 p.m. came around, I was so cranky and hungry that I just jumped ship and went home. I was completely nauseated from being on the train for so long with no food in my stomach that I came home and ate spaghetti with sausage, mushrooms, parmesan, and a tomato and basil bread thing that we got from the farmer's market.

I'm such a pig, and this diet isn't working. My friend told me that I needed to bring something aside from the Lean Cuisine, like apples or oranges, or a salad. So much for my quick fix, right?

So I have to tell you how funny it was today when you called me every other hour to tell me the latest about your mom's visit. Isn't it awful? I feel like such an ungrateful bitch when I get annoyed by my mom.

Anyway. Check the progress of my new site. The religious ads are now gone from the home page. Happy sushi-eating!

The Secret is a Crock of Shit.

So after watching the DVD of The Secret, I decided that it was the dumbest thing on the planet. This proves that what Oprah touts isn't always what's good. She tries to push products that are soul-happy, but really doesn't get the job done. So I'm happy for you about your potential in-person job interview in the coming week. It's almost the new year, so I'm hoping that it'll bring you some good financial luck. Let's start with the lotto drawing tonight. Did it happen yet? And why am I still sitting on my ass when it's almost midnight? I haven't gone out on New Years Eve since I was 20 or something. It's so sad. I think you're at a party tonight. I'm sure I'll hear from you at midnight. Happy New Year!

So let's talk more in-depth about the Secret. Really, you and I both know that it's not really a secret. It's just a big, stupid farce, and only morons will benefit from this. This is the reason why I won't ever benefit from it. I'm way too negative. This might also be the reason why I can't get promoted, and am perpetually unhappy. Too bad The Secret isn't something you can drink or shoot up or something. If it was, then we could just take doses of it and change our lives.

Oh. Since I don't have anything going for my own product site, let me tell you about a couple of things I found for my hair today. I went to Walgreens and picked up this coconut oil hair treatment from the ethnic hair care section. You know how I complain that everything in California is ridiculously expensive? This wasn't. It's called Softee Coconut Oil for Hair. And, it cost me one dollar. That's right. But if you're not using it with a light hand, you're screwed and your hair will end up looking like a fucking grease pit. I literally used a tiny drop of it and put it on the ends of my hair and I loved it. And it smells like coconut. Do you even care about coconut oil for the hair since you shave your head?

Following in the coconut theme, I decided to cook coconut rice and thai green curry chicken. They all contained cans and cans of coconut milk. Have I ever given you a recipe for some kick ass coconut rice? I think I have, so I'll skip it.

It's almost midnight, and disgustingly enough, I haven't even showered yet. I have to go and do that before you call, and I have 15 minutes. So this will be the last blog of 2007. Hopefully we can get back into the swing of things starting in January. I sure hope you get to leave the adult industry this coming new year. But by God. Then we'll have to rename our blog "Makeup and Clothes."

Not so interesting.

One-sided Conversation.

Hey there. I know this blog has turned into a one-woman show and I apologize. I'm just back into my full-on hate-my-job mood and I don't want to expend any more energy than I have to thinking or writing about that place. I was on a location shoot all day yesterday and I'm exhausted. When I got back to my office after the shoot, I saw an email from my Boss requesting some images. He had already left for the day. I had already put in nine hours and it was the Friday before Xmas weekend. So I didn't do anything about his email. I wonder if he forgot that I won't be in until January. Maybe he'll have to get off his ass and do something on his own. The horror.

Also, I'm really fucking tired of having to deal with his affair. Yes, his husband is out of the picture, so it's no longer an affair. But the hooker is around the office ALL THE TIME. When he's in town, he lives with the Boss. And lately, he's always in town, so maybe he actually does just LIVE with the Boss. I just hate that it's always there, in our faces, and no one says anything about it. It's totally going to blow up in everyone's faces.

I've been applying to jobs again. Like three in the past 36 hours. One's not here in LA, it's up in SF, so you would totally kill me if something came of it. But their application process is actually really interesting and challenging, so I'm still going to try and go for it. It's much more than "fill out this form."

I am so ready to eat holiday meals. I just found out that Mikey will be back in town after Xmas, so I think we'll hang out on New Year's. I won't have to be alone, crying, again! He won't be back in time for your Xmas dinner, though. I know he's sad about it.

I have tons to do this weekend before all the shenanigans begin. I need to get off my ass.

Sectional Madness!

I can't tell you how happy I am with our new sectional. Even though we won't repeat where we got it (it's still embarrassing, even though we paid over $2K for it), I have to tell you that sometimes it doesn't matter where you get stuff. Sometimes you have some damn good luck. So this afternoon, I made tortilla soup and just made a huge vat of chili, cornbread, and rice. I wish you lived closer. Then you could just come over every night for dinner. I'm planning on bringing my chili to work tomorrow to share. Wanna come?

I'm so glad it'll be the holiday soon. What sucks is that after this long stretch of days off (not in my case), we won't have another holiday to look forward to until Memorial Day. Maybe we'll win that raffle lottery and then we'll have the rest of our lives off. Just maybe. Maybe we'll both win. Then we'll really get to have time off from work. My ass would quit in a heartbeat, but I wouldn't be lazy about it. I would open a restaurant or something small. Like a little cart. And then I'd stroll around Hawaii with it, like the churro woman. In it, I would have chili and gumbo served over steaming hot basmati rice.

I forgot the story I was going to tell you about earlier this afternoon. You told me to blog about it, but now I can't remember. And, now it's time to eat chili. It's been simmering on the stove since 6 p.m. I'm still full from tortilla soup, but as always, I'll eat regardless.

I'm so fat.

Fair Trades.

I know you read these as well as my e-mails, but I'll go more into detail about the disappointment I felt today when I opened this big ass box that came for me from my old skin care company. I do what I deem "fair trading." This means that when I hook someone up with some product and they have something that I want, we can make a fair trade. Such was the case with me and my old skin care company. You know that I'm completely obsessed with the product that my skin care company produced, and use it every single day. Imagine my excitement when one of the girls from the corporate office e-mailed me to tell me that she wanted to trade product for product! I was elated. So I scurried around the office with her wish list, and started putting all kinds of goodies into a box for her. And shipped it that day. She did the same. I should have been suspicious when she lightly glazed over my wish list, and then proceeded to tell me that she had acquired a whole bunch of "great stuff" for me, and would be shipping it later that day.

Two days later. My receptionist calls and e-mails me to tell me that my package has arrived. It's big. I run back to my desk and rip the box open, anticipating all kinds of goodies and professional sized skin care product, and all I see is bubble bag. I reach into the bottom of the box, and pull out samples. Paper samples. And a couple of "deluxe samples." Now "deluxe samples" can sometimes be good. They're usually the full component, shrinked down into really cute sizes. This was not the case here. I don't know if the company is changing its ways and becoming cheap, but these "deluxe samples" were about half the size of my pinkie, or put into tiny crack cocaine-sized ziploc bags. Not cute at all. Then, to make matters worse, she put in these old ass products. The company has done some major revamping to the components they used, and I know each of them like the back of my hand since I've been using them for years. She must not have known that I was that smart because she sent me old product. She even had the audacity to send me product that was expired. So in my anger, I went home and called my real hookup from the company and told her how I had been ripped off by her corporate office in my trade.

Thank God she had some major sympathy for me. She's meeting me this Friday to grant me all of the wishes on my wishlist. She's a savior. So the moral of the story is, some people are just plain bitches. I could have sent those things to people I really care for and like, but I thought I was getting a fair trade. I almost want to e-mail her a specific wish list and demand that she send me the shit I really want.

That was my story. I was completely livid all the way home.

Speaking of home, how about this plan for Christmas Eve and Christmas? Would it be acceptable if Lemonjello and I come to the city on Christmas Eve to meet you and then take you out to dinner, and then on Christmas you come to my house to eat? That way, we can spend the whole holiday together. It's up to you. That way, we'll get the moment in the city and then also have the suburban dinner and movie watching at the same time.

Tell me what you think. I'm still raging about that shitty package I got today, so I'm going to sit and draft her an e-mail, demanding that she send me product that wasn't repackaged two years ago.

The Secret.

Embarrassment. I have to tell you that I was so desperate to be rich and successful after reading Susan Miller's horoscope that I got The Secret this weekend. There was a girl at my work who told me to buy it a long time ago, and I was embarrassed because I normally don't fall for the Oprah hype. But I've come to my wit's end about my lame ass life in cosmetics, and decided that I needed self-help. But I haven't even gotten through the acknowledgements in the beginning of the book yet, so I couldn't even tell you what "the secret" was. In any case, let's not talk about the secret. Let's talk about whether or not there was food at your 2nd work party tonight. Well, so was there?

Let me tell you something about cosmetics corporate America. It's getting on my last fucking nerve, but I really want to stay in it because of something I know and read about a while ago. Even when we were in the Great Depression, women were still really vain about the way they looked, so the one industry that stayed alive during that time was cosmetics and hair. Isn't that amazing? It's so true. So even if we have the worst recession ever, I think my company will still be making millions, or even billions at that time. And a company like MAC would stay around, even if we were all broke. The makeup there is just that good.

You know what else is good about being in this industry? Swapping. You tend to have a bunch of friends linked to this industry, so you get anything you want. For example, I have contacts at my old skin care company. I love their products, so I just ask people I know from there to hook me up with things, and in return, I get all kinds of stuff from them. And since retail and beauty are closely knit, I have friends at work who know other people in the industry who send all kinds of Friends and Family discounts to me each season. So it's cheap clothes, makeup, and skincare product all in one! I love it.

I have to go and read about the fucking secret now. But first, I have to apply this mega zit cream to that monstrosity on my chin that you saw earlier. Hope you had good eats. I'm ready to go to bed.