Halloween Humiliation.

OMG. I can't even tell you what I just witnessed at our company Halloween celebration. We have a costume contest by department, and everyone (except for mine) went all out. By default, all men (both gay and straight) were dressed in drag and had on a ton of our makeup. You know how much I hate Halloween. If I remember correctly, you don't care for it, either. The only reason I went was to get out of work. Now I'm back at my desk and I have some more time before I leave. You don't know how much I just want to go home and go to sleep. Some of the costumes here were just embarrassing. I felt like I was back in elementary school where everyone was dressed like a fairy princess or a witch or a wizard. Embarrassment.

Anyway. We have also converted to a new recycling program here in my office, and now our normal trash cans are about the size of a pencil cup and the recycling bins are attached to them and are the size of a dumpster. I have no idea what goes where. In my country, we don't recycle. We have one bin. And all trash goes into it.

Nail heaven.

Hi. So I just got back from getting my nails done across the street. I wanted out of there pretty quick so that I wouldn't be gone long from the office, but my stupid ass went there with no flip flops, so I had to leave there all prematurely with my running shoes on. Needless to say, the toes are a mess. What happened was that I was trying to leave, so I put on my socks and shoes. The lady expressed some concern that I would ruin my toes, so she made me take the socks and shoes off so that she could wrap them up in saran wrap. Now they're ruined.

Anyway. So what sucks is that the people in my team are miserable. There is a real bitch at the top of our company who just can't stand one of the girls on my team. She makes it really obvious, and since she's pulling in the big bucks, she can. I hate that about cosmetics. If you're dumb, you're constantly trying to outshine the people who are smart, but if you're smart, you're low-key smart. It should be the other way around. Soon there's going to be a shakedown at my company. I can feel it.

There are just too many morons at the top of the food chain here at work. It's out of control. And, could the office be any messier? Seriously. With all of the women up in here, you would think we would try to keep things clean. Not so. This place, my desk included, is a mess. And I'm hungry again.

Sometimes I look in the back of my WWD newspaper and look through the job opportunities there. And, sometimes I wish I worked from home. Or from Hawaii.

No More Thai.

Let's ban Thai from our list of foods to eat. I am so sick from lunch that I might just throw up here at my desk. I just got back from wandering around the office. I have nothing to do today, and until we find out more about this skin care thing, I don't know for sure what I'll have to work on, or when.

My new boss just left. It's not even 5 p.m. I have a feeling that he's not going to give a damn when we come or go.

Sweet.

The Wonderful World of Cosmetics.

So, like we were discussing, wouldn't it be easier if we didn't have to be so vague about where we worked? It would be so much more interesting that way. I would have so much more to tell you, and then it would be much more interesting to read. So lately, our office is working on a massive clean-up. I mean, it's just such a mess in here that it's completely embarrassing. My old skin care company would absolutely freak if they saw how disgusting it was in here. Anyway, since we're doing this mass cleaning, we're throwing everything out. That means that there are bins and bins full of makeup that are just being tossed in. People who love our shit would dive into the bins and swim through all of the product, and want to take it home. Me included. But I'm so tired of seeing makeup that I just want to throw up. I literally trip over it on the way in to my area.

This is why I don't understand how companies can discontinue things and claim to have none available. There are plenty of units left over in the corporate office! I swear it.

I have a meeting in a minute with someone who is new and who doesn't know how to read one of our department's many spreadsheets, so I've been tasked with helping her.

Was the woman on the set you're talking about the one you sent me a picture of? How interesting! We don't ever have anyone famous in our office, unless you want to count your loyal highness of cosmetics.

And yes. Could it be any hotter here in LA? I just want to die.

Is this seriously my life?

I am SO TIRED, Amy. I can't even believe it. It's Thursday, just after 10am, and I'm quickly approaching my 40th hour of work this week. This isn't including the 13 hour day I did on Saturday. I was here until 10:30 last night and I came in before 9 today because I have to leave early for my OTHER job.

I sent The Boss an email yesterday to which he never responded. After he left yesterday, I went to his computer, checked his email and saw that he actually received my email and read it. My email said, "Since I worked a full day last Saturday and I am losing my mind, can I please take Friday off as a replacement day?" Why is he not trying to respond?

So last night, the stupid director who has been pissing me off for the past two months decided yet again to invite a woman to the set. To sit there. The whole time. For no reason. Now you know I love the ladies. You are fun to shop with and fun to gossip with. But there is no need for you to sit on a gay porn set and make the models nervous and un-boner-y. When told that said female was making a model uncomfortable, his response was, "No, that's not why he's having a problem." Um, thanks? So after some coaxing, he asked the woman to leave. And then decided to leave with her. While we were still filming. And he's the motherfucking director. Amy. What the hell?

I am still waiting on a response to whether I can take tomorrow off. If so, I'll just come to you for lunch and we can take our time. I really want to sleep in and then clean my house and work on some art. My friend sent me the new splash page for my new site and I'm super-excited about it. But I have to kick my ass into high gear to get some new stuff to put on it.

Oh, and seriously, could these fires make LA any hotter? I am sweating like it's July. I feel so badly for all these people having to evacuate and whatnot. Have you seen the NASA pictures of the smoke coming off the coast? It's crazy. Are we going to have to evacuate soon or what? I am now physically in hell as well as figuratively.

Garden State.

Okay, so I'm back to being dressed like a mountain man today, and I had a run-in with one of our new higher-ups. Seriously. I don't know how I manage to get myself entangled in these kinds of situations. I meant to tell you. I had Lemonjello download the Garden State soundtrack to my iPhone, and I thought of you when I listened to it. It's all of the music that you give me-- in one! I love it. And I'm listening to it right now.

I am so tired and so sorry that you have to be filming all night long. I wish I could just sleep in. My co-worker just got diagnosed with a yeast allergy, and the list of foods she has to avoid is longer than mine!

I had more to say, but I have corrections to make on my training sheets. Embarrassing. I'm the writer, dammit!

Yum, cake.

Aw, I feel bad for Coop. How are they going to forget the birthday? That's sad. But it happened to me, too. I went out of my way to get shit for The Boss at my job and she pretended like my birthday didn't exist. I mean, it fell on a Sunday, but she could have acknowledged it on Friday. Or Monday. It was the other department (the one I'm adopted into) that came up to my floor and presented me with a dozen Cream Puffs and some birthday cards. How sweet. I just wish they had a spot for me in their department. They don't.

So I decided that I'm better suited for the skin care department at my company. I mean, it's not a real skin care department. It's more like the department that deals more with skincare than anything. In fact, the person at the top of that department mentioned that I should join his team last week. What I would do to be in that position!

So I stayed at home on Friday. I literally stayed in bed all day and night, watching TV and sleeping. It made me feel awful, but I think I needed it. BTW. Thank you SO much for the gift certificate. It took me DAYS to find what I wanted to buy with it (so much to choose from at amazon!)but I finally settled on a couple of must-haves: my eyelash conditioner. I was going to use the whole certificate to buy a ton of these, but then it didn't seem fulfilling, so I didn't do that. I bought one. Then, I bought a Henckels knife block because I have this one from Ikea that doesn't work like it should. All the knives swing out when you try to put them in the block. Weird. But my most exciting purchase was a Henckels Butcher Knife. It's HUGE! And so inexpensive. And last but not least...I got a copy of a popular Korean drama that I want to have for when my mom comes and visits me. We love to sit and watch them. So thank you. Now I'm really impatient to get them because I want to use the knife to cut everything in my kitchen, on my new Boos block cutting board that weighs about 40 pounds. I can hardly lift it up. I can't wait till I have to clean it and can't lift the damn thing over my chintzy small kitchen sink. You know that after paying over $2K for rent, you would expect to get a kitchen sink that could fit some decent sized pots and pans.

Well, I might be errand-running today. Are you coming over for Thanksgiving? If so, do you want to bring the same person you brought the last time? Now that we think we're not afflicted with gluten, we might be able to have a real Thanksgiving! Next week, I have that appointment with the best celiac doctor in our city. After he diagnoses me with just some food allergies, we can go and eat a whole bunch of bread together. And I can make the traditional cornbread, sausage and apple stuffing (damn my allergy to corn!), turkey breast, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes... I have to stop. I'm so hungry.

I have a dream.

I have a dream that one day we will all be free of having to avoid human feces every five steps while walking to work. I hate this place.

Um, did I mention that this place sucks? First of all, yesterday was Coop's birthday. We generally get cakes for people when it's their day. When it was MY day, Coop even went and bought the (gluten-free) cake and had the company reimburse her. So yesterday, first thing, I went downstairs and asked The Boss, The Bitch, and HR guy if there would be cake for Coop. They all told me that yes, they were getting cake. And then made fun of me because they said I made it sound like I was scheduling my food intake to accommodate cake later in the day. Anyway...So I leave at 3 to hit up my other job and there still hadn't been cake, so i assumed they did it later. Why did they not get her a cake? What the fuck? Total assholes. So my other co-worker said today that he was going to buy a cake and I'm like, "It's a little late, no?" And when she came in this morning she said her birthday totally sucked, so i feel bad. Especially after she went through the trouble of going and buying me a special cake. Now I look like an asshole.

Also, the project I have been killing myself over for the last week and a half...I finished it yesterday, it was sent off for approval to somewhere far away, and apparently they hated it. So the Big Boss came in yesterday right before I left and said, "Go ahead and put that project on hold because we're canceling the contract." I was like, "Um, I already finished it, and you approved it, so how am I going to put it on hold?" So that was yet ANOTHER waste of a week. And of course now, if that project is canceled, I have to "whip something up" in two days to replace that project. And it's tough to whip something up from a bunch of discs sent from overseas that are CORRUPT. Everyone is an asshole.

Also, since this IS Mercury in retrograde....yesterday right before I left, I started uploading all this shit from our server. Coop was working on this HUGE project that she can't save every couple of minutes because it takes about 30 minutes to save. So we were in the middle of all this stuff and the DVD tech guy had a problem up in his office. So why did he, without saying anything to anyone, go downstairs and RESTART all the servers? Which means that everything we had been working on in the afternoon just disappeared. I thought Coop's head was going to explode. What a dick, dude. Who does that? Every time someone in the art department needs to do that, we go to everyone's desk and say, "I have to reboot the servers, could you make sure you're off of them in the next two minutes?" Common courtesy, I think. But no.

Assholes!

I laughed.

I hope your porn crisis has ended. Poor thing. You sounded like you had completely destroyed something at your office. Can't you just hit "undo"? That's what we do here in the PC world.

I just laughed really hard at your story. I really don't think its gluten. I think it's lactose intolerance, but we already diagnosed you with that some time ago. Stay away from cheese and milk! No more.

Well. It's almost 2 p.m. and I really wish I had gone into that pod business that I was telling you about. I could be in my rented pod with the mini sofa and tv, curled up with my blankets and travel pillow right outside of my building right now. All I need is a nap for an hour, and I think I'd be refreshed. I want to bring back the siesta so badly. Actually, in my country, I'd have to introduce the siesta. What a brilliant idea!

I'm calling Bath and Body Works to ask them what the fuck they did with my Henri Bendel Vanilla Candle. Those bastards! They've discontinued my candles!

OMG. I am sitting here listening to the CEO of my company trying to socialize with one of our departments. Such a farse.

I think I need a massage.

What is? This Blog? You Speak of?

Oh my god. It's been like a week and a half since I wrote here. I know you've been waiting on a response from me forever. Oops. I am so goddamned busy, I can't even tell you.

So, my trip to SF was good. The weather was nice, I got to meet up with some friends, and I really liked the city. I know I told you all this already. But I forgot to tell you the most embarrassing moment of my trip. So, I haven't been able to figure out what exactly I'm allergic to or sensitive to or whatever when it comes to food. So basically, I've just been saying, "Fuck it." Like usual. I mean, frankly, I can't say no to Oreos. Every night. Anyway, on the last night of my trip, my friend and I decided to go see a show. We had to eat first and we couldn't agree on where to go. So after walking around for a bit, we stumbled into a Mexican joint. I decided against tacos again since I always eat them because there's no gluten action. Instead, I got chicken enchiladas. I said, "Hey, they're still wrapped in corn tortillas. What's the big deal?" But I didn't think about the fact that they're smothered in cheese and sour cream and stuff. So we ate, it was good, and we walked to the club to see the show. About 40 minutes later, while waiting for the main act to start, my stomach started to hurt. A LOT. I tried to ignore it, but it kept getting worse. I told my friend I wasn't going to make it through a show with my stomach feeling that way. He told me to use the club's bathroom. To which I said (as always), "Yeah, right." I'm not trying to drop a bomb at a club and ruin the stall for people who use it to fornicate and snort cocaine and whatnot. So he goes, "I live four blocks away. We can go to my place, you can use the bathroom, and we can run back in time to catch the show."

So why did we run (well, more like speed walk while holding it in) all the way back to his house so I could use the bathroom? It was so painful, I thought I was going to faint on the walk there. I was SO EMBARRASSED. This is a guy who has been my friend for years while also still kind of having a crush on me. I guess that crush is gone. I didn't think I was going to make it. I'm totally going to turn into my aunt who has to run to public restrooms every time she leaves the house because she has no control over her bladder. She totally has accidents all the time. Am I going to have to wear diapers in the near future? Or should I just not eat unless I'm home?

Anyway, we ran back to the club and only missed the first half of the first song. But, gross. I am gross.

I do your nail.

I just got back from getting my nails done. The thing is, it needs to be done early in the week, early in the day or else it's way too crowded in that little place to get anything accomplished. So I meant to tell you about something I observed. The lady who does my nails has this one totally misshapen nail-- it's her thumb nail-- and she uses it as a tool to remove excess nail polish from my finger. Isn't that interesting? So she walks around all day and night with this one really jacked up looking thumb nail just so that she can use it while she works. I actually noticed that when I went to my last nail tech. It was a guy who had a really long forefinger nail. He used it the same way. Either that, or he used it like the people in the movies who have a long pinky nail so that they can cut coke or something. I don't know.

But now that I'm back, I have a huge headache. I don't know what it's from, but I think it might have been the nail fumes in the nail shop.

Either way, I don't feel like being here any longer. I've decided that I need to open my own business and stop working for people.

And there's something really wrong with my skin lately. I think it might be a reaction to stress.

Scandalous!

I love it. The scandal that happens in porn is amazing! I made it to work, but just barely. I realized this morning that I get about 9 hours of sleep every single night, but I just can't stay awake during the day. There has to be something wrong, right? I think the Biggest Boss here wants our department to come in at 8.30 or something. It sucks, but I won't know of any formal changes until the new Biggest Biggeest boss starts. I'm so relieved to have gotten through that promotion-within thing yesterday. It was eating away at me all weekend. Here I was, thinking that I sucked at what I did, and I'm now trying to figure out which department to go to. You know what's funny? The boss is having a real hard time here because some of the higher ups don't like her. So one of the main things she's having trouble with is the hours that she keeps. If she comes in late, then she's supposed to stay late, but she doesn't always do that. So when she has to leave her desk for an extended period of time, she leaves a big ass note on her computer, letting people know where she's gone.

The funny thing is that now that she's been reprimanded for coming in late and leaving early, she comes in early, so now I'm the only one who comes in all late. They might make me change that. I used to come in by 8.30, but now I can't seem to make that earlier train. I think I'm just getting lazier. More and more, I fantasize about early retirement, but I have many years to go. The best way to get there is to win the lottery, or to work hard on some kind of side gig that you love to do-- and be successful. Can you imagine what you could be doing if you were just a successful freelancer? You could wake up late, work into the night, and not have to report to anyone or have anyone looking over your shoulder. I dream about that.

I'm going to make my other web site successful. And I'm going to start on that today!

More and More.

Good morning.

Congrats on having your talk with that hiring manager. I know it was tough but you stood your ground. Well, I guess not so much "stood your ground" as "acted dumb," but you got the point across. It sucks that you have to wait until next year for a promotion within your own department. What happens if your Boss takes off before then? Or, what scares me, what happens if they hire someone external for the position that's right above you? I don't want you to get stuck. Under spreadsheets.

So, what would you do if you found out your boss was having an affair? I know I told you that my Boss was sleeping with one of our "models" during that last location shoot and how it grossed me out because hello, you're the Boss, and you're married, and you should act your age. Yesterday I was looking at his email to find an address to send some stuff to (he told me that this company had just sent him an email requesting all this stuff I'd been working on, so I was looking for that email while he was at lunch or something). But I accidentally clicked on this email from a name I didn't recognize and it was all about my Boss's upcoming "business trip" to SF. It was kind of general at first, like, "Hey, I'll be down there at such and such a time.." but then it got all, "I can't wait to spend that many days with my sexy boy...thinking of you...all that time together!" Um, ew. then I recognized the name as the REAL name of that model he hooked up with. He is really going on a business trip (that does have like two legitimate meetings) and meeting up with his porn lover. That is disgusting. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't exactly know the parameters of his marriage. They could be very open and are opening things up to make their life easier and less tense or something (which still doesn't make sense to me because I am a jealous bitch, but that's me). But come ON! He is hooking up with a hooker. Under the guise of work. And truthfully, I highly doubt his husband is aware of it. His husband is a verrrry stereotypical Latin man. He will cut a bitch. I am so grossed out. the amount of secrets I hold at this fucking company could make me millions. If only I knew how to properly blackmail people.

That's more your territory, isn't it? Bwahahahaha.

Oh, I just so casually mentioned to the Big Boss how many hours I worked last week in hopes of getting yet another check given to me. I highly doubt that will happen, but you never know around here. Maybe someone will sense that I am holding their secrets and pay me off.

I have to get to work now. I haven't done much since getting in a while ago.

Ew.

That's the way I feel today. Since my lunch plans fell through with HR, I'm a bit disappointed. But she gave me some time this afternoon to chat with her, and I found out that the big boss above me is coming back tomorrow, and I thought maybe I'd talk to her directly, explain the situation, and have her give me a time line on when I'd be moving up within my own department.

I just finished eating lunch. I had the greatest salad on the planet- goat cheese and mixed greens and dried cranberries. The salad dressing was so good and garlicky, and my breath is overwhelmingly awful.

I'm actually starting to lose my appetite lately from all of this unnecessary stress.

So anyway. Are you back to normal work mode right now? I'm so happy to see the posts again.

I Forgot To Mention...

Because he was a murderer. Columbus was evil and we must not celebrate him, Amy. He was not down with the brown.

So I totally forgot to mention my diet yesterday. I didn't eat. All day. I was running around in the hot sun for like 9 hours with no food. I did have a root beer and two Sunny D and ginger ale combos. That shit was good. But no food. So when I got home at 7, I decided that I was starving and I had to eat food by the bucket-full. So I said to myself, "Fuck all this gluten madness! Order a goddamn pizza!" And that's exactly what I did. I ordered a 16-inch Hawaiian pizza and don't you know I ate TEN pieces of it. I ate until I almost threw up. From fullness, not from gluten-ness. I was a little nauseous when i went to bed, but it was nothing major. Shouldn't I have been feeling about to die if I do, in fact, have a gluten or dairy intolerance? Hmph.

Oh, and this morning I had a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit from the "health food" store because I still didn't care about gluten issues. And I don't feel close to death. Yet. Watch it catch up to me tomorrow and I just go into a coma or something.

Doomsday.

Today is the day. But before I start to tell you more about how awful I'm feeling, I have to answer the important question: Yes. you can use the secret aloe-based product on your face. It's great for sunburn, and safe for the face and the body. You'll love it. If you need more, let me know. I'll hook you up.

You know, all morning I've been avoiding the person who offered me that job, and of course, right when I'm in the bathroom, guess who comes in? Seriously. It's such a pain in the ass-- I'm waiting for lunch to discuss this thing with the HR person, and then later I had planned to go and talk to the hiring manager about my decision.

I am so nervous, even though I really shouldn't be. I'm glad you're alive and that your shoot went well yesterday. I noticed that it was really sunny-- and hoped it was in your area, too.

Today is Columbus Day. Why are we at work again?

I Forgot To Reapply!

I look like a beet. I was outside in that glaring sun allll day yesterday and I only put sunscreen on when I left the house in the morning. Oops. Like my nose doesn't already have enough problems. Now it's sunburned and is forming a giant zit at the end (more redness!) because I've been shooting all week long. When I take pictures, my nose rubs against the camera, making a big oily spot. It is gross. But I think I finally determined why my nose always breaks out. It's because of my career.

I'm sorry you feel bad about yourself when I don't blog with you. My schedule is nuts. I worked over 65 hours last week, not including two freelance jobs. It's just a tiny, tiny bit better this week, but I'm missing Friday and Monday because I'm skipping up to SF this weekend to visit friends. And maybe look at apartments. But I'll have to work extra hard again this week to make up for those missed days. Boo. Plus, I have to process all the freelance work I did this weekend and get it to the people who pay me.

Hey, so remember that secret soothing formula you gave me in that unmarked bottle for my sunburns and bug bites? Can I slather that on my face, or will it make me break out more than normal? It didn't really seem like something I should leave caked on while I sleep.

I have some very important news to break to you. I think I might like country music. Like, a lot.

Co-dependency at its finest.

I just wanted to tell you that when I don't get to blog back and forth with you for days it makes me feel fat about myself. And sad.

I'm sorry you're dead.

I'm barely alive. Do you know that I am falling into a downward spiral with my work? I mean, today was the second day this week that I got in to work late. I planned on getting in early, but it just didn't happen for me. And to make things worse, the time is just going by so slowly that I want to die.

I should stop complaining. Things here aren't nearly as bad as how you have it in pornoland. I'm sorry. I wish I could help you somehow, but we have to face it-- we're in completely different fields, and I suck at what you do, and you don't have a clue as to what I do. It's unfortunate. We would have been a good business team otherwise.

Oh shit. I have a huge dilemma. Remember how I told you a while ago that I might be offered a position in this company with the role that I want, but with the department I don't? Well... it just kind of happened. Ouch. I wish you weren't busy so that I can get your advice, but I'm super busy, too. Let me get back to you. I have some thinking to do.

Sorry, I died.

No, seriously. I have to keep this short because I am so exhausted. I have so much work to do, it's insane. The day started with The Boss waltzing in and saying to me and Coop, "The Big Boss says that if those ten different projects aren't done by Friday, the art department doesn't have the weekend off." FIRST OF ALL, assholes, the "art department" already doesn't have the weekend off because the "art department" is also the "production crew" and the "production crew" has to shoot photos on Saturday. Well, that's my own fault because I volunteered to do it, but still. And then I have a freelance thing all day Sunday.

And SECOND, the Big Boss told us two days ago to get as much done as we could by Friday, not OH MY GOD FINISH IT OR WE'LL DIE. This place is bullshit.

I gotta go. Sorry for the radio silence.

Are you alive? Part 2.

Hello? I've been talking to myself all day today. And listening to the songs from the "Elf" soundtrack in my cube since 9 a.m.

I hate when you're busy at work. I should be, but I need something to entertain me. But only in the next couple of minutes because my workday is almost over.

So hot.

Is today considered a hot day? I think I might be having the same issue you were having last night. People are wearing fur coats and parkas outside, and I'm sweating like a pig and wearing a tank top. One of my co-workers just stopped me at the lobby of my office building and asked me if I was cold, but there's sweat dripping off of my head, and my arms are burning. I seriously think there's an issue here. Maybe on Friady they'll tell me that I have a thyroid condition that forces me to retain body heat.

Let me tell you. There's this homeless guy that totally lives outside of our office building. He's always just sleeping on the grates outside, drinking, or eating something. On special occasions (like today), he just pees all over the sidewalk, right in front of the restaurants, right in front of the crowds of office people, with no discretion. Sometimes he just has his pants hanging down by his ankles while he's digging through the trash, and sometimes he's defacating on the curb in front of my office. Isn't that nice?

Anyway. I'm almost back from lunch. I have a lot of work to do. I'm going to snack on my Sensible Foods in a minute. How nice are the owners of that company to send me a free case?

I love them.

Doom.

Holy shit! I can't belive you owe the IRS! That's crazy. I remember having to pay the IRS when I moved out here, but it was just over a thousand dollars. I thought I was going to die back then. I can't imagine how you feel. Be sure to call them and see if it's accurate. You'd be surprised at how quickly someone will answer the phone over there, especially since it's after tax season.

Do you know that I just went to go and get a manicure, and the place was crowded. Can you imagine? I decided to go this late so that I could avoid the rush, and there were so many people there that I had to come back! I'm so mad. And I even paid $3 to get $20 out of the Bank of America ATM.

I'm ready to go home. My entire body aches and I'm dying to take a vacation. I'm so fat. While I was waiting in the nail place, I picked up an "OK" magazine and started reading. There were these pictures of Britney Spears before and after her VMA performance, and guess what?

My body is starting to look just like her AFTER photos.

I have to go home. I can't take it. Why is the day so long?

Oh good.

You're alive.
Welcome back.

I'm sorry, but this is so funny.

So I saw this headline today at msnbc.com: "Abdul says she’s straight up ready for a baby--‘American Idol’ judge reveals she’d like a tot within the next 2 years"

How fucking funny is that headline? I laughed out loud in my chair. And I just got done with lunch. I meant to tell you that I got my fruit snacks yesterday, so I put half of them in that box/bag combo you gave me last time, and whenever I see you next, I'll do the hand over. I haven't heard from you yet today, so you are either handcuffed to the kitchen table, or in production. Or you've quit.

I've been working on my training sheets again this morning. It gets more and more embarrassing each time I create one. That's all for now. I went down to the reception area earlier and there were about 400 people lined up for interviews. I swear. We hire like crazy, but then we break all of the ethical rules for employing people. Here, if you don't look or dress the part, you don't get hired. It's really true. Anyway. Let me know that you're alive. I don't like not hearing from you all morning!

I'm Barely Hanging On.

Trust me, I feel you on being tired. It's the allergens in the air. I totally feel like I'm walking around in a haze. I can barely hold my head up. I just got into work about an hour ago. I was still asleep when you went in this morning.

I got home last night around 9, so it was a 10 or 11 hour day. No biggie. I told myself I would watch Heroes and then go directly to bed at 10. Then I remembered my face is freaking out so I gave myself 30 minutes for a little cleansing, masking, and spot toning. Then I looked at email and downloaded music. Then it was 1:30. Then I opened my mail, including a letter from the IRS that says I didn't pay in 2003 and now I owe over $3300. I'm not kidding. What the hell am I supposed to do? That is not what one needs to see when going to bed. I'm a little freaked out. I mean, that's a LOT of money. And I totally thought I paid that off a year or two ago, but you've seen my apartment. You know I won't be able to find documentation of it. But I swear that was the thing I paid when the IRS sent the Big Boss a letter a long time ago saying they had to work something out with him so they could garnish my wages. And he told me to take care of it so he wouldn't have to deal with it. I'm so fucked.

Anyway. No, nothing exciting happened on the shoot last night. It was a snoozefest. I'm on the set again today until at least 11. We have two shoots, back to back. The Powers That Be decided that since we shoot like that when we're on location, we can shoot like that all the time. Because, you know, their staff needs no time for recoup or to actually do any of the post-production on anything. I'm so fucking behind on my deadlines.

I feel another panic attack coming on. I think you might have to come through my apartment with me and help me decide what to sell on ebay. You know I love my stuff, but how else am I going to pay the IRS? Fuck. I'm going to freak out in a minute. And this killer headache isn't helping.

Are you alive?

OMG. Can I tell you that there's something seriously wrong with me mentally? I went to sleep at 9.30 last night, woke up again at 3 a.m., and couldn't fall back asleep until 5 a.m. or so. When the alarm went off, I was so tired that I just called The Boss and told her that I would be in late. And that's just what I did. Came in at 10.15 or so. I'm still tired. I mean, I could understand this if I was a marathon runner, or worked overtime, or did much more than work and sleep, but it's totally ridiculous. And now that I'm in late, I'm really trying my best to get a whole lot of work done to make up for the fact that I'm a fat, lazy pig.

I just ate some potato salad and I have a ton of stuff to do, including another meeting at 2 p.m. I wanted to go and get a manicure at lunch, but I came in so late that I don't think I deserve to be able to go anywhere today.
How was the shoot yesterday? Anything exciting that I need to know?

You're right. I laughed.

I just laughed out loud because I thought you were kidding. How come you didn't ask me to come to your office? How funny would it have been to be eating lunch at the kitchen table together?

I just got out of the most unproductive meeting in the world. We had all the higher ups in there, with this huge agenda. We got to #1 on the agenda, and talked it to death for an hour. And now the meeting is over. I have to go and walk to the mailbox downstairs to mail some bills in a minute, but I had to share. I get all prepared for these meetings, and they end up being stupid. I didn't say one word during the entire meeting, either.

Shit. Gotta run. Time to go home!

No, seriously, that is IT.

I've had it.

I decided that since I am a growing boy, I needed to eat lunch, in spite of all my stomach pain. So I walked to Trader Joe's and bought stuff and then came back here to heat it and eat it. (Heat It and Eat It? Is that a new porn title? I think so...) Anyway, so I walk in to the kitchen area and heat my food. And now I'm eating it at my desk. You ask, "But Buck, why are you eating at your desk instead of at the kitchen table like usual?" Do you really want to know? Truly? I'll tell you why I'm sitting at my desk instead of the kitchen table.

It seems that one of our models (a model I hate) who is in town to shoot for us has found himself a little boyfriend for the weekend. This boy is on a leash. And that leash has been HANDCUFFED to a chair at my kitchen table. HANDCUFFED to the kitchen chair, Amy. What the fuck is that? Is that honestly the kind of environment in which I have to work? Everyone here (EVERYONE) thinks it is both cute and funny. I don't think it is funny in any way. I know you think it's funny because you are sitting at your desk laughing your ass off. But I think it is completely ridiculous and absurd and it makes me hate this world, this job, and especially this bubble I live in. Call me self-hating. Call me a hypocrite for doing this work and then having this kind of reaction. I don't care. Shouldn't I be able to just sit at my table and eat lunch without having to deal with others' shit like that?

And don't even get me started on the boy himself. This boy is basically a girl with balls. He is a very very dumb femme boy. (I heard him speaking, so I cannot stress how dumb he is.) He is kind of like that "Leave Britney alone!" guy. A mess. And he keeps telling everyone that he is "clever." If you have to tell people, then you're not.

I hate everything about my life at this very moment.

Sounds like an ulcer to me.

Hi. I'm so sorry you're falling apart. I totally think it's stress-related. I've gone through stuff like that, and it totally looks like we're in the same boat when it comes to weird shit forming on our faces. My skin is so dry, ugly, and cracking lately. In fact, I had to put on some cover up under my eye this morning because my eyes were so puffy and gross. Then, when I came into the work bathroom, I looked at myself under the flourescent lights (shouldn't we at least have natural lighting, or good lighting in a cosmetic company bathroom?) and saw that the cover up had caked up under my eye. So I made the entire trip to work with my undereyes looking a big mess. And everyone in my office is sick. I woke up to a sore throat both today and yesterday, and the girl you heard hacking and coughing the other day when you called me at work is still here, recovering from bronchitis. Nice!

Then, when I got on the train this morning, some girl comes and sits next to me and starts putting on her makeup for the entire ride. The whole time, I'm trying to listen to "Felicity" and she's elbowing me over and over again while she's putting on eyeshadow and taking her jacket off. She never even apologized, either. It made me so mad.

I would suggest that you make an appointment to see my new gastro doctor. Check to see if he's in your HMO network, and I'll give you his contact info. I really think you need to go to a specialist, or we'll never know what the issue is.

As for the thing on your nose, I know what that is. I'll bring you lancets so that you can get rid of it. Normally, I wouldn't ever suggest doing something like that, but I had that for a few months one time when I was constantly blowing my nose, and it wouldn't go away. Maybe you need a humidifier in your apartment. This is allergy season, so it's bound to be messing with your skin and your system.

For now, don't freak out. I feel so bad because I know all about your panic attacks. Do you want me to bring you something for lunch? I have a bit of a break before I have this HUGE meeting with the President and all of the other executives in the company at 3 p.m. I'm actually working on my presentation for them now, and today I chose to wear my Sunday best-- that is, flip flops, a wife beater, and jeans.

God. I'm going to be fired.

Totally Falling Apart.

Amy. I'm dying. Or something. I don't know what the hell is going on with me. Everyone at my office was sick last week but I haven't gotten it. Yet. But there are all these other issues. I feel like my body is shutting down on me. Maybe it's because I never exercise. Or that my diet is a joke. Whatever it is, I'm freaking out.

The under-skin bump is back on the side of my nose. It's ready to grow and eat my face. AND the zit or ingrown hair or whatever it is is back on the inside of my nose. And it hurts like a bitch. Oh, and I have a sty. In my right eye. I'm the right eye sty guy. Great. And yesterday I was hanging out with friends at this huge party and toward the end, everyone I knew disappeared. And I lost it. I had a total panic attack and ended up running from one end of the thing to the other just so I could get out and away from all the people. I was nearly hyperventilating. I thought I was going to start crying at any minute. And my stomach hurt SO BAD. I didn't even eat dinner or anything because it was such a mess. What is going on?

Anyway. I keep taking it all as signs that I need to move. Or at least make a major change. Astrologyzone lied to me because I certainly didn't come into any money at the end of September. Bastards. I wonder what lies they have for me for October?

I came in super-late today. I have a shoot this evening. Good times. I may have a shoot this afternoon as well but of course no one says anything to me. I have a ton of deadline-drive stuff to get to, so I have to cut this short.

Just know that I ate some coffee cake about ten minutes ago and now my stomach is pissed.