Sounds like an ulcer to me.

Hi. I'm so sorry you're falling apart. I totally think it's stress-related. I've gone through stuff like that, and it totally looks like we're in the same boat when it comes to weird shit forming on our faces. My skin is so dry, ugly, and cracking lately. In fact, I had to put on some cover up under my eye this morning because my eyes were so puffy and gross. Then, when I came into the work bathroom, I looked at myself under the flourescent lights (shouldn't we at least have natural lighting, or good lighting in a cosmetic company bathroom?) and saw that the cover up had caked up under my eye. So I made the entire trip to work with my undereyes looking a big mess. And everyone in my office is sick. I woke up to a sore throat both today and yesterday, and the girl you heard hacking and coughing the other day when you called me at work is still here, recovering from bronchitis. Nice!

Then, when I got on the train this morning, some girl comes and sits next to me and starts putting on her makeup for the entire ride. The whole time, I'm trying to listen to "Felicity" and she's elbowing me over and over again while she's putting on eyeshadow and taking her jacket off. She never even apologized, either. It made me so mad.

I would suggest that you make an appointment to see my new gastro doctor. Check to see if he's in your HMO network, and I'll give you his contact info. I really think you need to go to a specialist, or we'll never know what the issue is.

As for the thing on your nose, I know what that is. I'll bring you lancets so that you can get rid of it. Normally, I wouldn't ever suggest doing something like that, but I had that for a few months one time when I was constantly blowing my nose, and it wouldn't go away. Maybe you need a humidifier in your apartment. This is allergy season, so it's bound to be messing with your skin and your system.

For now, don't freak out. I feel so bad because I know all about your panic attacks. Do you want me to bring you something for lunch? I have a bit of a break before I have this HUGE meeting with the President and all of the other executives in the company at 3 p.m. I'm actually working on my presentation for them now, and today I chose to wear my Sunday best-- that is, flip flops, a wife beater, and jeans.

God. I'm going to be fired.