The Secret is a Crock of Shit.

So after watching the DVD of The Secret, I decided that it was the dumbest thing on the planet. This proves that what Oprah touts isn't always what's good. She tries to push products that are soul-happy, but really doesn't get the job done. So I'm happy for you about your potential in-person job interview in the coming week. It's almost the new year, so I'm hoping that it'll bring you some good financial luck. Let's start with the lotto drawing tonight. Did it happen yet? And why am I still sitting on my ass when it's almost midnight? I haven't gone out on New Years Eve since I was 20 or something. It's so sad. I think you're at a party tonight. I'm sure I'll hear from you at midnight. Happy New Year!

So let's talk more in-depth about the Secret. Really, you and I both know that it's not really a secret. It's just a big, stupid farce, and only morons will benefit from this. This is the reason why I won't ever benefit from it. I'm way too negative. This might also be the reason why I can't get promoted, and am perpetually unhappy. Too bad The Secret isn't something you can drink or shoot up or something. If it was, then we could just take doses of it and change our lives.

Oh. Since I don't have anything going for my own product site, let me tell you about a couple of things I found for my hair today. I went to Walgreens and picked up this coconut oil hair treatment from the ethnic hair care section. You know how I complain that everything in California is ridiculously expensive? This wasn't. It's called Softee Coconut Oil for Hair. And, it cost me one dollar. That's right. But if you're not using it with a light hand, you're screwed and your hair will end up looking like a fucking grease pit. I literally used a tiny drop of it and put it on the ends of my hair and I loved it. And it smells like coconut. Do you even care about coconut oil for the hair since you shave your head?

Following in the coconut theme, I decided to cook coconut rice and thai green curry chicken. They all contained cans and cans of coconut milk. Have I ever given you a recipe for some kick ass coconut rice? I think I have, so I'll skip it.

It's almost midnight, and disgustingly enough, I haven't even showered yet. I have to go and do that before you call, and I have 15 minutes. So this will be the last blog of 2007. Hopefully we can get back into the swing of things starting in January. I sure hope you get to leave the adult industry this coming new year. But by God. Then we'll have to rename our blog "Makeup and Clothes."

Not so interesting.

One-sided Conversation.

Hey there. I know this blog has turned into a one-woman show and I apologize. I'm just back into my full-on hate-my-job mood and I don't want to expend any more energy than I have to thinking or writing about that place. I was on a location shoot all day yesterday and I'm exhausted. When I got back to my office after the shoot, I saw an email from my Boss requesting some images. He had already left for the day. I had already put in nine hours and it was the Friday before Xmas weekend. So I didn't do anything about his email. I wonder if he forgot that I won't be in until January. Maybe he'll have to get off his ass and do something on his own. The horror.

Also, I'm really fucking tired of having to deal with his affair. Yes, his husband is out of the picture, so it's no longer an affair. But the hooker is around the office ALL THE TIME. When he's in town, he lives with the Boss. And lately, he's always in town, so maybe he actually does just LIVE with the Boss. I just hate that it's always there, in our faces, and no one says anything about it. It's totally going to blow up in everyone's faces.

I've been applying to jobs again. Like three in the past 36 hours. One's not here in LA, it's up in SF, so you would totally kill me if something came of it. But their application process is actually really interesting and challenging, so I'm still going to try and go for it. It's much more than "fill out this form."

I am so ready to eat holiday meals. I just found out that Mikey will be back in town after Xmas, so I think we'll hang out on New Year's. I won't have to be alone, crying, again! He won't be back in time for your Xmas dinner, though. I know he's sad about it.

I have tons to do this weekend before all the shenanigans begin. I need to get off my ass.

Sectional Madness!

I can't tell you how happy I am with our new sectional. Even though we won't repeat where we got it (it's still embarrassing, even though we paid over $2K for it), I have to tell you that sometimes it doesn't matter where you get stuff. Sometimes you have some damn good luck. So this afternoon, I made tortilla soup and just made a huge vat of chili, cornbread, and rice. I wish you lived closer. Then you could just come over every night for dinner. I'm planning on bringing my chili to work tomorrow to share. Wanna come?

I'm so glad it'll be the holiday soon. What sucks is that after this long stretch of days off (not in my case), we won't have another holiday to look forward to until Memorial Day. Maybe we'll win that raffle lottery and then we'll have the rest of our lives off. Just maybe. Maybe we'll both win. Then we'll really get to have time off from work. My ass would quit in a heartbeat, but I wouldn't be lazy about it. I would open a restaurant or something small. Like a little cart. And then I'd stroll around Hawaii with it, like the churro woman. In it, I would have chili and gumbo served over steaming hot basmati rice.

I forgot the story I was going to tell you about earlier this afternoon. You told me to blog about it, but now I can't remember. And, now it's time to eat chili. It's been simmering on the stove since 6 p.m. I'm still full from tortilla soup, but as always, I'll eat regardless.

I'm so fat.

Fair Trades.

I know you read these as well as my e-mails, but I'll go more into detail about the disappointment I felt today when I opened this big ass box that came for me from my old skin care company. I do what I deem "fair trading." This means that when I hook someone up with some product and they have something that I want, we can make a fair trade. Such was the case with me and my old skin care company. You know that I'm completely obsessed with the product that my skin care company produced, and use it every single day. Imagine my excitement when one of the girls from the corporate office e-mailed me to tell me that she wanted to trade product for product! I was elated. So I scurried around the office with her wish list, and started putting all kinds of goodies into a box for her. And shipped it that day. She did the same. I should have been suspicious when she lightly glazed over my wish list, and then proceeded to tell me that she had acquired a whole bunch of "great stuff" for me, and would be shipping it later that day.

Two days later. My receptionist calls and e-mails me to tell me that my package has arrived. It's big. I run back to my desk and rip the box open, anticipating all kinds of goodies and professional sized skin care product, and all I see is bubble bag. I reach into the bottom of the box, and pull out samples. Paper samples. And a couple of "deluxe samples." Now "deluxe samples" can sometimes be good. They're usually the full component, shrinked down into really cute sizes. This was not the case here. I don't know if the company is changing its ways and becoming cheap, but these "deluxe samples" were about half the size of my pinkie, or put into tiny crack cocaine-sized ziploc bags. Not cute at all. Then, to make matters worse, she put in these old ass products. The company has done some major revamping to the components they used, and I know each of them like the back of my hand since I've been using them for years. She must not have known that I was that smart because she sent me old product. She even had the audacity to send me product that was expired. So in my anger, I went home and called my real hookup from the company and told her how I had been ripped off by her corporate office in my trade.

Thank God she had some major sympathy for me. She's meeting me this Friday to grant me all of the wishes on my wishlist. She's a savior. So the moral of the story is, some people are just plain bitches. I could have sent those things to people I really care for and like, but I thought I was getting a fair trade. I almost want to e-mail her a specific wish list and demand that she send me the shit I really want.

That was my story. I was completely livid all the way home.

Speaking of home, how about this plan for Christmas Eve and Christmas? Would it be acceptable if Lemonjello and I come to the city on Christmas Eve to meet you and then take you out to dinner, and then on Christmas you come to my house to eat? That way, we can spend the whole holiday together. It's up to you. That way, we'll get the moment in the city and then also have the suburban dinner and movie watching at the same time.

Tell me what you think. I'm still raging about that shitty package I got today, so I'm going to sit and draft her an e-mail, demanding that she send me product that wasn't repackaged two years ago.

The Secret.

Embarrassment. I have to tell you that I was so desperate to be rich and successful after reading Susan Miller's horoscope that I got The Secret this weekend. There was a girl at my work who told me to buy it a long time ago, and I was embarrassed because I normally don't fall for the Oprah hype. But I've come to my wit's end about my lame ass life in cosmetics, and decided that I needed self-help. But I haven't even gotten through the acknowledgements in the beginning of the book yet, so I couldn't even tell you what "the secret" was. In any case, let's not talk about the secret. Let's talk about whether or not there was food at your 2nd work party tonight. Well, so was there?

Let me tell you something about cosmetics corporate America. It's getting on my last fucking nerve, but I really want to stay in it because of something I know and read about a while ago. Even when we were in the Great Depression, women were still really vain about the way they looked, so the one industry that stayed alive during that time was cosmetics and hair. Isn't that amazing? It's so true. So even if we have the worst recession ever, I think my company will still be making millions, or even billions at that time. And a company like MAC would stay around, even if we were all broke. The makeup there is just that good.

You know what else is good about being in this industry? Swapping. You tend to have a bunch of friends linked to this industry, so you get anything you want. For example, I have contacts at my old skin care company. I love their products, so I just ask people I know from there to hook me up with things, and in return, I get all kinds of stuff from them. And since retail and beauty are closely knit, I have friends at work who know other people in the industry who send all kinds of Friends and Family discounts to me each season. So it's cheap clothes, makeup, and skincare product all in one! I love it.

I have to go and read about the fucking secret now. But first, I have to apply this mega zit cream to that monstrosity on my chin that you saw earlier. Hope you had good eats. I'm ready to go to bed.

My new career.

Okay. So Susan Miller from astrologyzone.com is almost always dead-on when it comes to my horoscope. So I read it today, and guess what it says?

At work, your professional status will climb higher with each successive
day. Mars will be shining at the very top of your chart, increasing your
visibility and upping your chances for an important promotion. While Mars
is, admittedly, retrograde and therefore weaker, he is still in your career
house and will do as much as he can. Your career will really take off when
Mars is back in good condition in your career house, so keep these dates in
mind: March 4 to May 9. That's when you'll take off like a rocket, getting
all the approvals you need, unlike now when you might feel a little stymied
by others' delay in getting back to you.

Jackpot! This means that I might get that promotion I've been dying for. But who knows if that'll happen. There are so many changes happening within my whacked out company that I don't even know if I'll have a job after January, but I sure hope so. I've been waiting for this promotion forever. And, since we just went and bought that nice sectional/ottoman today, I better be making more money so that I can help to pay it off. We got financing for it.

So that's all. I got my cranberry lotion today, so I'm just about the happiest person on the planet.

Sazon.

Hi hi,

Right about now, you're at a show with that doctor guy. I hope you're having fun. My ass is at home, dreaming about the Kiehl's Limited Edition Cranberry Hand and Body Lotion. I'm not kidding. I came home, at Chipotle, made some mini chocolate chip cookies, did some laundry, paid my allergist bill, and then sat down here and decided to blog to you because I really, really want that lotion. And you're the only person who can understand my unhealthy fascination with all things cranberry. Guess what? We finally turned on the heat for the first time today.

Remember how I was telling you that the dog we're watching is really mellow and just lays down all day? Well, after we turned on the heat, the dog just started acting like a real dog. She was full of energy, eating, running around, and being excited. We think that we kept the house too cold, and she just didn't want to get up.

Do you find that when you know you don't have to work the next day you feel like you have a lot more energy? Every single day this week, I've come home and just wanted to go to sleep. Since I know that tomorrow is a Saturday, I have much more energy.

I'm even doing laundry. And running the dishwasher. And making cookies.
Speaking of cookies, I wonder if my company will let me off on Christmas Eve? If they won't, then how the hell are we going to do our traditional Christmas Eve dinner and last minute shopping around the city? Actually, we're not doing any shopping this Christmas. Our gift is going to be a sectional for our living room.

All of a sudden, I'm feeling really dizzy and sick. I think I'm going to pump some Emergen-C into my system now. Let me know how that Sazon works out for you.

I'm a fan.

Waiting....

I'm at home waiting for the cable guy to show up. I came home at 11:30 this morning and now it's 2:15. I did laundry. I am DREADING my tax appointment at 4. Shivers.

You bought me something on ebay? I have no idea either. What surprises do you have in store for me? I will try my hardest to remember porn for your friend. It's tough to nab stuff when everyone's around. I think I'm skipping TV night with the girls tonight, so hopefully I'll get some sleep and actually make it into work early tomorrow so I can shoplift DVDs. Actually, I shouldn't try to be so shady about it. I think I'm one of the few there who never takes movies or gives them to people. I need to get my hands on the new one so we can watch me in the behind the scenes feature. Bwahaha!

I am afraid of your new obsession with AZNTV. Soon you'll be one of those women on the bus who talk really loudly in a language I don't understand while carrying little pink bags from Chinatown. Be careful.

I was going to tell you a story, but I can't remember now. I didn't do a damned thing at work this morning, so I have no new bits of drama.

Oh, question. Since I'm trying to pay off debt, do you think I should continue to pay extra on all my cards, or should I pay a LOT more on the one evil card and deal with the other two once the big one is empty? Your thoughts?

My New Obsession. You'll Hate This.

I KNEW there was some drama happening at your job! It's just been so long since I've heard anything. I knew it was brewing. While you're at work freezing, I'm having a menopausal meltdown at my job. One minute I'm hot, the other minute I'm freezing and putting the layers back on.

I have so much work to do, by the way. And what makes me mad is that it's all work that the Boss doesn't feel like doing. This means that I get all of the shit work. You know how much I hate spreadsheets. My new role means more and more and more spreadsheets. I hate them.

So my new obsession is this show on AZNTV called "Coconut Coast." It's this really flamboyant guy named Reza Mahammad who is cooking all kinds of yummy Indian-inspired food, and the excitement is his personality. I have him recorded on DVR, just so you can come to my house and watch it. Better yet, set your DVR to record the show. You MUST watch it.






Speaking of your DVR, I hope it gets fixed. And your DVD player. And your Mac. And your taxes. And your student loans. And your printer. Speaking of stuff, your thing from ebay just shipped. I got an email today. It was so long ago that I don't even remember what it was that I bought for you. In any case, it's on its way.

I am so tired that I think that I might be coming down with the flu. I hope I am, really. This dog is making me sick, too. I sit and sneeze all day long. And it acts like a cat. And I love me some animals, but I think this one is depressed. She just sits and stares. She doesn't even get excited over me coming home. Who doesn't get excited when I come home? Crazy ass mutt.

So that's all for now. I can't wait for lunch on Friday. Bring the porn so that I can send it to my friend Eddie. I'll bring the goods I promised you. I can't remember what they are, so remind me.

Random Monday Rant

So. Here are two minor, but still offensive, stories that happened in my office today.

First, you know that I'm the second person in my office every day, after the shipping guy who comes in before 7. So I get to work a little after 7 and go to my floor, where I'm the only one for about 2 hours (you know I love that). This morning was particularly chilly (by my LA standard, at least) and I was wearing a long sleeve shirt, a vest, and the scarf you bought me so I could dress up like a terrorist. We have a freight elevator in my building that opens at the end of my floor, about 25 feet from my desk. When the doors are open and it's cold outside, we get this freezing breeze from the elevator shaft that rolls through our floor. The thing is, I'm the only one it hits. So I sit at my desk with a numb arm and hand, shaking, all day long. Since I'm the first one in and it's colder in the morning, I closed the doors in order to block the wind chill factor. And since it's the art department, you know it's really dark as it is, but with the doors shut it's pitch black. What do I care, as long as I'm not cold, right?

So the Boss comes in two hours later and sees the doors closed. He goes, "God it is SO DARK in here. It's ridiculous! Do you mind if I open the doors or are you going to burst into flames?" Like an asshole. So I say, "I don't mind the light at all, but when the doors are open, I freeze from the breeze." So he stands there for a second, decides HE doesn't feel a breeze, and opens the doors and walks away. Excuse me? I know it's dark, but his desk is allll the way on the other side of the office (where there are overhead lights), and on the opposite wall from the elevator opening. He's an ass. So I had to freeze all day, until I went outside for lunch and sweat through my clothes.

The second story...I hate this model. A lot. Actually, pretty much everyone hates this model in the office. He is the butt of most of our jokes. I think I read some passive-aggressive web text to you once where the writer was totally going after this model and it was hilarious. Anyway, the main part of my job is photo editing. I am responsible for picking the layouts that go on our site and to magazines and on boxes and whatnot. So this model, who thinks he's is the biggest thing porn has ever seen (even though he's as tall as you), recently signed a contract with us. Not only are we stuck with him, he is going to start producing his own films. Because of that, he thinks he is now PART of OUR company. Like he's a partner. I swear to god, if he becomes a partner, I'm walking. So anyway, since he's joined us, he's made all kinds of little diva demands and the latest seems to be that HE is picking the pictures of himself that we are allowed to use. Can you BELIEVE that? Like, he went to the Boss and asked to see (and HAVE) his full layouts that we shot a few months ago and he sent a list back saying which ones to use and for what. Like, use #whatever for my main shot, and #whatever for this ad and shit. So today I went through his stuff and did my normal edit for the member site (which is way bigger than what he picked) and I didn't even end up PICKING the ones he liked. He has no objectivity on the images because he's in them. Just because he likes an image does NOT mean he looks cute in it. And trust me, he didn't. But the fact that the Boss is allowing this REALLY pisses me off. When he told me about it last week, even Coop looked up from her desk and was like, "What the hell is HE picking his own shit for anyway??" and the Boss just walked away. Nice, right? Way to compromise my place in the company, asshole.

That's all. Carry on.

OOOOoooooooooooHHHHH!

WOW! We both had breaking news from our jobs today. Too bad I can't post mine here. I KNEW something would happen if the husband found out about the affair with the porno model. I love it. I anticipated coming home and cooking immediately, but I realized that I was suffocating from strange fumes from the oven when I was preheating it, and then remembered that I had seasoned two woks when my mom was here, and it dripped all over the bottom of the oven and I have to clean it up before cooking toxic gingerbread for Thanksgiving dinner.

I am so excited for you guys to come to my place. It's like 70 degrees outside. I just walked home and almost died from the heat. I wish we had a nice cold Thanksgiving like back in the east. I hope you've gotten home. Call me so that you can give me the other breaking news you wanted to share when I was passing out from the stench of the train this afternoon.

BREAKING NEWS!!!

I know I've neglected our blog, and really disappointed our legions of fans, but I finally have something to write about.

I think, THINK, the Boss and his husband have split up. Insane! There was a secret meeting between the Boss and the Big Boss today, and they did it at the Big Boss's house instead of the office, so it was all weird and sneaky. It could have been about the amount or the lack our of holiday bonuses for all we knew. But then Coop IMed me and said she heard the Bitch on the phone earlier with the Boss saying, "I'm sorry it turned out that way." And then when the Boss came into work (at 2:30pm), the Bitch was on the phone with someone and when the Boss walked by, the Bitch said into the phone, "I'm sorry, but you're BREAKING UP...I can't hear you" all loud and trying to be funny or something. And the Boss had asked me to do a shoot last Saturday because he had to go to "couples counseling." I wanna know what's going on. The meeting could have been about how he needed more money to make his mortgage payments because he was too busy fucking one of our models to handle his marriage and now HE's the one getting fucked.

Such drama. I feel bad for him. But then again...

Military Scarves for Everyone!

Since this is now my own little blog to you, I decided to out you. I have to show everyone what you got, and what you wore home from my job.





I wish this photo would show how it can wrap around your head, but I guess it's not the right one. OH! Here's the right one:





Now that I've seen it on you, I think I have seen it around this city. How exciting! I've been on the fingerless glove trend for years now, and it's catching on fast.
Do you know that since we had daylight savings, I am even more exhausted when I come home from work? I have a whole lot of energy when I get to work, and then by the time it's time to leave, I just want to die. I even fell asleep on the train on the way home today.

Okay, so I'm going on a tangent already, which means that it's time to watch some DVR'd Prison Breaks now. I wanted to add some color to our site. I'm glad you like your shemaghs. Is that a plural word? I expect to see you wearing that every single time I see you from now on. And hello? My friends want some gay porn. Hook a sister up.

The Lady Who Smelled Like Ikea.

Good Morning.
So I had written this blog this morning when I came in, but the system at work was screwed up, so I lost the whole thing. And now the excitement over what I was feeling when I came in this morning is gone. But I'll tell you anyway. I got on the train this morning, and normally, someone who has bad breath, body odor, ethnic food scents, or cigarette smells comes to sit beside me. Get this. This morning, someone got on the train and sat next to me and she smelled like IKEA! I mean, I could hardly contain my excitement! I LOVE the way Ikea smells. It's like cinnamon buns and Swedish meatballs, all in one. I was so euphoric on my way into the office. I just had to share.

Now that I'm here, I'm completely unmotivated. Trying to get the company from a million dollar company to a billion dollar company apparently takes a shitload of work. And, have I told you that lately there is a large exodus of people leaving the company for other opportunities? We must not be as great as we think. We suck.

I just ran over to the bank to deposit this very small amount of money into my account since I have $50 left over. I have to get back to looking at my spreadsheets. God, I hate numbers and spreadsheets. I'm in the wrong business, for sure.

She Slipped Up on Daylight.

Hi! I know you're being a hermit this weekend since it's one of your few days off, so I didn't call you. Instead, I'm getting my place ready for Mom's visit next week. I'm so excited, yet so flustered because I realize that I have a ton of work to get done this week because I won't be in the entire time Mom is here. Yippeeee!

So this weekend has been really productive. Seriously. I bought the cutest fingerless gloves (you know I have about 40 pairs of these- I'm completely obsessed) from World Market, along with a bunch of cute little notecards. I'm sick and tired of spending so much money on expensive Thank You cards. I found these for cheap. We also looked around for some furniture for my other bedroom. Not furniture to live on, but furniture to store all of my products. We were too cheap to buy real furniture (we're really trying to buy a house. Maybe 30 years from now), so we got a storage thing/cart for my product, and I love it. It's on wheels. We came back and cleaned the house a bit, and did some rearranging. I'm secretly in the mood for some boba, but I don't know where the hell to go without having to drive. I'm making candied chicken tonight for dinner. Have I made it for you?

When I started writing a minute ago, I thought I would have a lot to say, but I don't. So I'm going to stop. I totally don't want to break down next week like I did this past week, so I'm hoping that nobody sets me off. I need a fucking promotion. How can anyone live in California and afford a $4 loaf of bread on these salaries?

Red-Headed Stepchild.

I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to neglect our baby over here on blogger. I just haven't had anything interesting to share. And when i do, it's so damned busy over here that I can't take the time to write about it.

It's just the same old bullshit here in my office. People being extremely loud and rude, me buried under projects, people losing their minds. It's actually calmed down a little bit, but I still have a thousand things going at once.

So last night, for my other job, I decided to wear those wingtips I bought months ago. For the first time. I got like two blocks from my house and was in unbelievable pain. Like, I could barely walk. But I didn't have time to turn around and change. Amy, it was so bad. By the time I wobbled home, ALL of the skin had been ripped from the tops of BOTH of my pinky toes. They are RAW and exposed. I have them each double-bandaged today. So OW. I didn't think about wearing them in. But now that I had that much pain, I don't know if i can ever put them on again.

Oh, also, I was reminded last night after I got there that it was a special event night, so I had to stay later than normal. My day was 15 hours long. I was pissed. I went home and watched my DVRed Survivor and Ugly Betty. So it was closer to a 17 hour day. I didn't get to Grey's yet. I think I've given up on that show now. It's totally gone off in some retarded direction and I can't hang. But Betty is still good. Did you watch last night? "What do we want?!" "Integrated chocolates!!" "When do we want them?" "NOW!!" I laughed and laughed and laughed.

Thank you for sharing your Halloween office party pics with me. You are correct. I do hate Halloween, especially in this city. People don't know how to act. I went almost the whole day and night with forgetting it was even Halloween. Except Coop was wearing cat ears at work, which is something she would totally do, so I didn't even really notice.

I hate astrologyzone now. Why does she have to confuse me so?

My Blog.

Hello Buck? Where the hell are you? You've e-mailed me and I've talked to you today. Did you forget about our little stepchild blog site?

I had the most fucked up day today. I was in a bad mood to start, and then when I got to work, I immediately started getting my shit together and actually had a long-term assignment to work toward. But then, as you know, my ass had to go to the Social Security office, and then the afternoon was shot. Who knew that at 11 in the morning, vagrants would be lined up there, demanding money?

Then, I meant to tell you. Since we're doing a mass restructuring (we're trying to become a billion dollar company or something), we had to meet with the new leader today to discuss our "new" roles. Of course I thought this meant that I would get my promotion and be happy, just like the lady on astrologyzone said. That wasn't the case. I mean, I love the new leader and everything, but he was telling us that he was going to bring all of these other people in, and it really sounded like I wasn't going anywhere. I really think he's an MBA snob, just like the HR people are in my company. I mean, it's actually pretty disgusting, if you think about it. I have a higher education- it's just not in business. It's more useful than being in Business Administration. Granted, when the Boss asks me for gross margins, I have no fucking idea what she's talking about, but I really think that people who have their MBAs are always saying shit and asking questions to executives that they got straight from their textbooks and lectures. No kidding. I'm going to go and buy the most used MBA textbook from Harvard's Book Exchange, and I'll be able to schmooze like the best of them.

I was in such a foul mood today that I scared the entire team. And, for good measure, I walked out when the day was done and didn't say goodbye to any of them. Working around a bunch of women everyday is not uplifting at all, just in case you want to know. I wish I could post the picture of the Halloween party we had yesterday. But then I would really lose my job.

Did I tell you how wasteful my company is? Let me let you in on a little secret. Since it's a "trend," the PR Department was talking about doing something "green" so that we could jump on the bandwagon of Ralph Lauren and some other giant fashion or beauty company. Meanwhile, we have the most packaging, ever. It's like 500 layers of packaging and plastic. And, you'd be glad to know that our office is SO wasteful. We have styrofoam cups (big boxes of them) that we use everyday. People don't use mugs. We have one recycling bin that people use as a trash can, and people make color copies every single day. You should see the copy room. There's paper everywhere. People forget that they copied shit, or printed stuff out. Literally, there is so much paper all over the desks and what not that we would be named the biggest liars if someone was to do an undercover check on our level of greenness. I'm ashamed to be a part of such a company, but look out! If in the next month you see us doing a big promo and pretending to be eco-friendly, you know who told you it was a lie. A HUGE lie! We waste paper! We use styrofoam! We don't recycle! We have lots of trash and plastic packaging. Sometimes we even use tissue paper in our packaging! And, I've seen people using aerosol hair spray in the bathroom.

And, most importantly, know that our company's philosophy was never anything about being environmentally-friendly. We just decided to do that in our last meeting. Look out, world! God- I wish I could tell everyone which company I worked for. It would be SHOCKING!

Halloween Humiliation.

OMG. I can't even tell you what I just witnessed at our company Halloween celebration. We have a costume contest by department, and everyone (except for mine) went all out. By default, all men (both gay and straight) were dressed in drag and had on a ton of our makeup. You know how much I hate Halloween. If I remember correctly, you don't care for it, either. The only reason I went was to get out of work. Now I'm back at my desk and I have some more time before I leave. You don't know how much I just want to go home and go to sleep. Some of the costumes here were just embarrassing. I felt like I was back in elementary school where everyone was dressed like a fairy princess or a witch or a wizard. Embarrassment.

Anyway. We have also converted to a new recycling program here in my office, and now our normal trash cans are about the size of a pencil cup and the recycling bins are attached to them and are the size of a dumpster. I have no idea what goes where. In my country, we don't recycle. We have one bin. And all trash goes into it.

Nail heaven.

Hi. So I just got back from getting my nails done across the street. I wanted out of there pretty quick so that I wouldn't be gone long from the office, but my stupid ass went there with no flip flops, so I had to leave there all prematurely with my running shoes on. Needless to say, the toes are a mess. What happened was that I was trying to leave, so I put on my socks and shoes. The lady expressed some concern that I would ruin my toes, so she made me take the socks and shoes off so that she could wrap them up in saran wrap. Now they're ruined.

Anyway. So what sucks is that the people in my team are miserable. There is a real bitch at the top of our company who just can't stand one of the girls on my team. She makes it really obvious, and since she's pulling in the big bucks, she can. I hate that about cosmetics. If you're dumb, you're constantly trying to outshine the people who are smart, but if you're smart, you're low-key smart. It should be the other way around. Soon there's going to be a shakedown at my company. I can feel it.

There are just too many morons at the top of the food chain here at work. It's out of control. And, could the office be any messier? Seriously. With all of the women up in here, you would think we would try to keep things clean. Not so. This place, my desk included, is a mess. And I'm hungry again.

Sometimes I look in the back of my WWD newspaper and look through the job opportunities there. And, sometimes I wish I worked from home. Or from Hawaii.

No More Thai.

Let's ban Thai from our list of foods to eat. I am so sick from lunch that I might just throw up here at my desk. I just got back from wandering around the office. I have nothing to do today, and until we find out more about this skin care thing, I don't know for sure what I'll have to work on, or when.

My new boss just left. It's not even 5 p.m. I have a feeling that he's not going to give a damn when we come or go.

Sweet.

The Wonderful World of Cosmetics.

So, like we were discussing, wouldn't it be easier if we didn't have to be so vague about where we worked? It would be so much more interesting that way. I would have so much more to tell you, and then it would be much more interesting to read. So lately, our office is working on a massive clean-up. I mean, it's just such a mess in here that it's completely embarrassing. My old skin care company would absolutely freak if they saw how disgusting it was in here. Anyway, since we're doing this mass cleaning, we're throwing everything out. That means that there are bins and bins full of makeup that are just being tossed in. People who love our shit would dive into the bins and swim through all of the product, and want to take it home. Me included. But I'm so tired of seeing makeup that I just want to throw up. I literally trip over it on the way in to my area.

This is why I don't understand how companies can discontinue things and claim to have none available. There are plenty of units left over in the corporate office! I swear it.

I have a meeting in a minute with someone who is new and who doesn't know how to read one of our department's many spreadsheets, so I've been tasked with helping her.

Was the woman on the set you're talking about the one you sent me a picture of? How interesting! We don't ever have anyone famous in our office, unless you want to count your loyal highness of cosmetics.

And yes. Could it be any hotter here in LA? I just want to die.

Is this seriously my life?

I am SO TIRED, Amy. I can't even believe it. It's Thursday, just after 10am, and I'm quickly approaching my 40th hour of work this week. This isn't including the 13 hour day I did on Saturday. I was here until 10:30 last night and I came in before 9 today because I have to leave early for my OTHER job.

I sent The Boss an email yesterday to which he never responded. After he left yesterday, I went to his computer, checked his email and saw that he actually received my email and read it. My email said, "Since I worked a full day last Saturday and I am losing my mind, can I please take Friday off as a replacement day?" Why is he not trying to respond?

So last night, the stupid director who has been pissing me off for the past two months decided yet again to invite a woman to the set. To sit there. The whole time. For no reason. Now you know I love the ladies. You are fun to shop with and fun to gossip with. But there is no need for you to sit on a gay porn set and make the models nervous and un-boner-y. When told that said female was making a model uncomfortable, his response was, "No, that's not why he's having a problem." Um, thanks? So after some coaxing, he asked the woman to leave. And then decided to leave with her. While we were still filming. And he's the motherfucking director. Amy. What the hell?

I am still waiting on a response to whether I can take tomorrow off. If so, I'll just come to you for lunch and we can take our time. I really want to sleep in and then clean my house and work on some art. My friend sent me the new splash page for my new site and I'm super-excited about it. But I have to kick my ass into high gear to get some new stuff to put on it.

Oh, and seriously, could these fires make LA any hotter? I am sweating like it's July. I feel so badly for all these people having to evacuate and whatnot. Have you seen the NASA pictures of the smoke coming off the coast? It's crazy. Are we going to have to evacuate soon or what? I am now physically in hell as well as figuratively.

Garden State.

Okay, so I'm back to being dressed like a mountain man today, and I had a run-in with one of our new higher-ups. Seriously. I don't know how I manage to get myself entangled in these kinds of situations. I meant to tell you. I had Lemonjello download the Garden State soundtrack to my iPhone, and I thought of you when I listened to it. It's all of the music that you give me-- in one! I love it. And I'm listening to it right now.

I am so tired and so sorry that you have to be filming all night long. I wish I could just sleep in. My co-worker just got diagnosed with a yeast allergy, and the list of foods she has to avoid is longer than mine!

I had more to say, but I have corrections to make on my training sheets. Embarrassing. I'm the writer, dammit!

Yum, cake.

Aw, I feel bad for Coop. How are they going to forget the birthday? That's sad. But it happened to me, too. I went out of my way to get shit for The Boss at my job and she pretended like my birthday didn't exist. I mean, it fell on a Sunday, but she could have acknowledged it on Friday. Or Monday. It was the other department (the one I'm adopted into) that came up to my floor and presented me with a dozen Cream Puffs and some birthday cards. How sweet. I just wish they had a spot for me in their department. They don't.

So I decided that I'm better suited for the skin care department at my company. I mean, it's not a real skin care department. It's more like the department that deals more with skincare than anything. In fact, the person at the top of that department mentioned that I should join his team last week. What I would do to be in that position!

So I stayed at home on Friday. I literally stayed in bed all day and night, watching TV and sleeping. It made me feel awful, but I think I needed it. BTW. Thank you SO much for the gift certificate. It took me DAYS to find what I wanted to buy with it (so much to choose from at amazon!)but I finally settled on a couple of must-haves: my eyelash conditioner. I was going to use the whole certificate to buy a ton of these, but then it didn't seem fulfilling, so I didn't do that. I bought one. Then, I bought a Henckels knife block because I have this one from Ikea that doesn't work like it should. All the knives swing out when you try to put them in the block. Weird. But my most exciting purchase was a Henckels Butcher Knife. It's HUGE! And so inexpensive. And last but not least...I got a copy of a popular Korean drama that I want to have for when my mom comes and visits me. We love to sit and watch them. So thank you. Now I'm really impatient to get them because I want to use the knife to cut everything in my kitchen, on my new Boos block cutting board that weighs about 40 pounds. I can hardly lift it up. I can't wait till I have to clean it and can't lift the damn thing over my chintzy small kitchen sink. You know that after paying over $2K for rent, you would expect to get a kitchen sink that could fit some decent sized pots and pans.

Well, I might be errand-running today. Are you coming over for Thanksgiving? If so, do you want to bring the same person you brought the last time? Now that we think we're not afflicted with gluten, we might be able to have a real Thanksgiving! Next week, I have that appointment with the best celiac doctor in our city. After he diagnoses me with just some food allergies, we can go and eat a whole bunch of bread together. And I can make the traditional cornbread, sausage and apple stuffing (damn my allergy to corn!), turkey breast, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes... I have to stop. I'm so hungry.

I have a dream.

I have a dream that one day we will all be free of having to avoid human feces every five steps while walking to work. I hate this place.

Um, did I mention that this place sucks? First of all, yesterday was Coop's birthday. We generally get cakes for people when it's their day. When it was MY day, Coop even went and bought the (gluten-free) cake and had the company reimburse her. So yesterday, first thing, I went downstairs and asked The Boss, The Bitch, and HR guy if there would be cake for Coop. They all told me that yes, they were getting cake. And then made fun of me because they said I made it sound like I was scheduling my food intake to accommodate cake later in the day. Anyway...So I leave at 3 to hit up my other job and there still hadn't been cake, so i assumed they did it later. Why did they not get her a cake? What the fuck? Total assholes. So my other co-worker said today that he was going to buy a cake and I'm like, "It's a little late, no?" And when she came in this morning she said her birthday totally sucked, so i feel bad. Especially after she went through the trouble of going and buying me a special cake. Now I look like an asshole.

Also, the project I have been killing myself over for the last week and a half...I finished it yesterday, it was sent off for approval to somewhere far away, and apparently they hated it. So the Big Boss came in yesterday right before I left and said, "Go ahead and put that project on hold because we're canceling the contract." I was like, "Um, I already finished it, and you approved it, so how am I going to put it on hold?" So that was yet ANOTHER waste of a week. And of course now, if that project is canceled, I have to "whip something up" in two days to replace that project. And it's tough to whip something up from a bunch of discs sent from overseas that are CORRUPT. Everyone is an asshole.

Also, since this IS Mercury in retrograde....yesterday right before I left, I started uploading all this shit from our server. Coop was working on this HUGE project that she can't save every couple of minutes because it takes about 30 minutes to save. So we were in the middle of all this stuff and the DVD tech guy had a problem up in his office. So why did he, without saying anything to anyone, go downstairs and RESTART all the servers? Which means that everything we had been working on in the afternoon just disappeared. I thought Coop's head was going to explode. What a dick, dude. Who does that? Every time someone in the art department needs to do that, we go to everyone's desk and say, "I have to reboot the servers, could you make sure you're off of them in the next two minutes?" Common courtesy, I think. But no.

Assholes!

I laughed.

I hope your porn crisis has ended. Poor thing. You sounded like you had completely destroyed something at your office. Can't you just hit "undo"? That's what we do here in the PC world.

I just laughed really hard at your story. I really don't think its gluten. I think it's lactose intolerance, but we already diagnosed you with that some time ago. Stay away from cheese and milk! No more.

Well. It's almost 2 p.m. and I really wish I had gone into that pod business that I was telling you about. I could be in my rented pod with the mini sofa and tv, curled up with my blankets and travel pillow right outside of my building right now. All I need is a nap for an hour, and I think I'd be refreshed. I want to bring back the siesta so badly. Actually, in my country, I'd have to introduce the siesta. What a brilliant idea!

I'm calling Bath and Body Works to ask them what the fuck they did with my Henri Bendel Vanilla Candle. Those bastards! They've discontinued my candles!

OMG. I am sitting here listening to the CEO of my company trying to socialize with one of our departments. Such a farse.

I think I need a massage.

What is? This Blog? You Speak of?

Oh my god. It's been like a week and a half since I wrote here. I know you've been waiting on a response from me forever. Oops. I am so goddamned busy, I can't even tell you.

So, my trip to SF was good. The weather was nice, I got to meet up with some friends, and I really liked the city. I know I told you all this already. But I forgot to tell you the most embarrassing moment of my trip. So, I haven't been able to figure out what exactly I'm allergic to or sensitive to or whatever when it comes to food. So basically, I've just been saying, "Fuck it." Like usual. I mean, frankly, I can't say no to Oreos. Every night. Anyway, on the last night of my trip, my friend and I decided to go see a show. We had to eat first and we couldn't agree on where to go. So after walking around for a bit, we stumbled into a Mexican joint. I decided against tacos again since I always eat them because there's no gluten action. Instead, I got chicken enchiladas. I said, "Hey, they're still wrapped in corn tortillas. What's the big deal?" But I didn't think about the fact that they're smothered in cheese and sour cream and stuff. So we ate, it was good, and we walked to the club to see the show. About 40 minutes later, while waiting for the main act to start, my stomach started to hurt. A LOT. I tried to ignore it, but it kept getting worse. I told my friend I wasn't going to make it through a show with my stomach feeling that way. He told me to use the club's bathroom. To which I said (as always), "Yeah, right." I'm not trying to drop a bomb at a club and ruin the stall for people who use it to fornicate and snort cocaine and whatnot. So he goes, "I live four blocks away. We can go to my place, you can use the bathroom, and we can run back in time to catch the show."

So why did we run (well, more like speed walk while holding it in) all the way back to his house so I could use the bathroom? It was so painful, I thought I was going to faint on the walk there. I was SO EMBARRASSED. This is a guy who has been my friend for years while also still kind of having a crush on me. I guess that crush is gone. I didn't think I was going to make it. I'm totally going to turn into my aunt who has to run to public restrooms every time she leaves the house because she has no control over her bladder. She totally has accidents all the time. Am I going to have to wear diapers in the near future? Or should I just not eat unless I'm home?

Anyway, we ran back to the club and only missed the first half of the first song. But, gross. I am gross.

I do your nail.

I just got back from getting my nails done. The thing is, it needs to be done early in the week, early in the day or else it's way too crowded in that little place to get anything accomplished. So I meant to tell you about something I observed. The lady who does my nails has this one totally misshapen nail-- it's her thumb nail-- and she uses it as a tool to remove excess nail polish from my finger. Isn't that interesting? So she walks around all day and night with this one really jacked up looking thumb nail just so that she can use it while she works. I actually noticed that when I went to my last nail tech. It was a guy who had a really long forefinger nail. He used it the same way. Either that, or he used it like the people in the movies who have a long pinky nail so that they can cut coke or something. I don't know.

But now that I'm back, I have a huge headache. I don't know what it's from, but I think it might have been the nail fumes in the nail shop.

Either way, I don't feel like being here any longer. I've decided that I need to open my own business and stop working for people.

And there's something really wrong with my skin lately. I think it might be a reaction to stress.

Scandalous!

I love it. The scandal that happens in porn is amazing! I made it to work, but just barely. I realized this morning that I get about 9 hours of sleep every single night, but I just can't stay awake during the day. There has to be something wrong, right? I think the Biggest Boss here wants our department to come in at 8.30 or something. It sucks, but I won't know of any formal changes until the new Biggest Biggeest boss starts. I'm so relieved to have gotten through that promotion-within thing yesterday. It was eating away at me all weekend. Here I was, thinking that I sucked at what I did, and I'm now trying to figure out which department to go to. You know what's funny? The boss is having a real hard time here because some of the higher ups don't like her. So one of the main things she's having trouble with is the hours that she keeps. If she comes in late, then she's supposed to stay late, but she doesn't always do that. So when she has to leave her desk for an extended period of time, she leaves a big ass note on her computer, letting people know where she's gone.

The funny thing is that now that she's been reprimanded for coming in late and leaving early, she comes in early, so now I'm the only one who comes in all late. They might make me change that. I used to come in by 8.30, but now I can't seem to make that earlier train. I think I'm just getting lazier. More and more, I fantasize about early retirement, but I have many years to go. The best way to get there is to win the lottery, or to work hard on some kind of side gig that you love to do-- and be successful. Can you imagine what you could be doing if you were just a successful freelancer? You could wake up late, work into the night, and not have to report to anyone or have anyone looking over your shoulder. I dream about that.

I'm going to make my other web site successful. And I'm going to start on that today!

More and More.

Good morning.

Congrats on having your talk with that hiring manager. I know it was tough but you stood your ground. Well, I guess not so much "stood your ground" as "acted dumb," but you got the point across. It sucks that you have to wait until next year for a promotion within your own department. What happens if your Boss takes off before then? Or, what scares me, what happens if they hire someone external for the position that's right above you? I don't want you to get stuck. Under spreadsheets.

So, what would you do if you found out your boss was having an affair? I know I told you that my Boss was sleeping with one of our "models" during that last location shoot and how it grossed me out because hello, you're the Boss, and you're married, and you should act your age. Yesterday I was looking at his email to find an address to send some stuff to (he told me that this company had just sent him an email requesting all this stuff I'd been working on, so I was looking for that email while he was at lunch or something). But I accidentally clicked on this email from a name I didn't recognize and it was all about my Boss's upcoming "business trip" to SF. It was kind of general at first, like, "Hey, I'll be down there at such and such a time.." but then it got all, "I can't wait to spend that many days with my sexy boy...thinking of you...all that time together!" Um, ew. then I recognized the name as the REAL name of that model he hooked up with. He is really going on a business trip (that does have like two legitimate meetings) and meeting up with his porn lover. That is disgusting. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't exactly know the parameters of his marriage. They could be very open and are opening things up to make their life easier and less tense or something (which still doesn't make sense to me because I am a jealous bitch, but that's me). But come ON! He is hooking up with a hooker. Under the guise of work. And truthfully, I highly doubt his husband is aware of it. His husband is a verrrry stereotypical Latin man. He will cut a bitch. I am so grossed out. the amount of secrets I hold at this fucking company could make me millions. If only I knew how to properly blackmail people.

That's more your territory, isn't it? Bwahahahaha.

Oh, I just so casually mentioned to the Big Boss how many hours I worked last week in hopes of getting yet another check given to me. I highly doubt that will happen, but you never know around here. Maybe someone will sense that I am holding their secrets and pay me off.

I have to get to work now. I haven't done much since getting in a while ago.

Ew.

That's the way I feel today. Since my lunch plans fell through with HR, I'm a bit disappointed. But she gave me some time this afternoon to chat with her, and I found out that the big boss above me is coming back tomorrow, and I thought maybe I'd talk to her directly, explain the situation, and have her give me a time line on when I'd be moving up within my own department.

I just finished eating lunch. I had the greatest salad on the planet- goat cheese and mixed greens and dried cranberries. The salad dressing was so good and garlicky, and my breath is overwhelmingly awful.

I'm actually starting to lose my appetite lately from all of this unnecessary stress.

So anyway. Are you back to normal work mode right now? I'm so happy to see the posts again.

I Forgot To Mention...

Because he was a murderer. Columbus was evil and we must not celebrate him, Amy. He was not down with the brown.

So I totally forgot to mention my diet yesterday. I didn't eat. All day. I was running around in the hot sun for like 9 hours with no food. I did have a root beer and two Sunny D and ginger ale combos. That shit was good. But no food. So when I got home at 7, I decided that I was starving and I had to eat food by the bucket-full. So I said to myself, "Fuck all this gluten madness! Order a goddamn pizza!" And that's exactly what I did. I ordered a 16-inch Hawaiian pizza and don't you know I ate TEN pieces of it. I ate until I almost threw up. From fullness, not from gluten-ness. I was a little nauseous when i went to bed, but it was nothing major. Shouldn't I have been feeling about to die if I do, in fact, have a gluten or dairy intolerance? Hmph.

Oh, and this morning I had a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit from the "health food" store because I still didn't care about gluten issues. And I don't feel close to death. Yet. Watch it catch up to me tomorrow and I just go into a coma or something.

Doomsday.

Today is the day. But before I start to tell you more about how awful I'm feeling, I have to answer the important question: Yes. you can use the secret aloe-based product on your face. It's great for sunburn, and safe for the face and the body. You'll love it. If you need more, let me know. I'll hook you up.

You know, all morning I've been avoiding the person who offered me that job, and of course, right when I'm in the bathroom, guess who comes in? Seriously. It's such a pain in the ass-- I'm waiting for lunch to discuss this thing with the HR person, and then later I had planned to go and talk to the hiring manager about my decision.

I am so nervous, even though I really shouldn't be. I'm glad you're alive and that your shoot went well yesterday. I noticed that it was really sunny-- and hoped it was in your area, too.

Today is Columbus Day. Why are we at work again?

I Forgot To Reapply!

I look like a beet. I was outside in that glaring sun allll day yesterday and I only put sunscreen on when I left the house in the morning. Oops. Like my nose doesn't already have enough problems. Now it's sunburned and is forming a giant zit at the end (more redness!) because I've been shooting all week long. When I take pictures, my nose rubs against the camera, making a big oily spot. It is gross. But I think I finally determined why my nose always breaks out. It's because of my career.

I'm sorry you feel bad about yourself when I don't blog with you. My schedule is nuts. I worked over 65 hours last week, not including two freelance jobs. It's just a tiny, tiny bit better this week, but I'm missing Friday and Monday because I'm skipping up to SF this weekend to visit friends. And maybe look at apartments. But I'll have to work extra hard again this week to make up for those missed days. Boo. Plus, I have to process all the freelance work I did this weekend and get it to the people who pay me.

Hey, so remember that secret soothing formula you gave me in that unmarked bottle for my sunburns and bug bites? Can I slather that on my face, or will it make me break out more than normal? It didn't really seem like something I should leave caked on while I sleep.

I have some very important news to break to you. I think I might like country music. Like, a lot.

Co-dependency at its finest.

I just wanted to tell you that when I don't get to blog back and forth with you for days it makes me feel fat about myself. And sad.

I'm sorry you're dead.

I'm barely alive. Do you know that I am falling into a downward spiral with my work? I mean, today was the second day this week that I got in to work late. I planned on getting in early, but it just didn't happen for me. And to make things worse, the time is just going by so slowly that I want to die.

I should stop complaining. Things here aren't nearly as bad as how you have it in pornoland. I'm sorry. I wish I could help you somehow, but we have to face it-- we're in completely different fields, and I suck at what you do, and you don't have a clue as to what I do. It's unfortunate. We would have been a good business team otherwise.

Oh shit. I have a huge dilemma. Remember how I told you a while ago that I might be offered a position in this company with the role that I want, but with the department I don't? Well... it just kind of happened. Ouch. I wish you weren't busy so that I can get your advice, but I'm super busy, too. Let me get back to you. I have some thinking to do.

Sorry, I died.

No, seriously. I have to keep this short because I am so exhausted. I have so much work to do, it's insane. The day started with The Boss waltzing in and saying to me and Coop, "The Big Boss says that if those ten different projects aren't done by Friday, the art department doesn't have the weekend off." FIRST OF ALL, assholes, the "art department" already doesn't have the weekend off because the "art department" is also the "production crew" and the "production crew" has to shoot photos on Saturday. Well, that's my own fault because I volunteered to do it, but still. And then I have a freelance thing all day Sunday.

And SECOND, the Big Boss told us two days ago to get as much done as we could by Friday, not OH MY GOD FINISH IT OR WE'LL DIE. This place is bullshit.

I gotta go. Sorry for the radio silence.

Are you alive? Part 2.

Hello? I've been talking to myself all day today. And listening to the songs from the "Elf" soundtrack in my cube since 9 a.m.

I hate when you're busy at work. I should be, but I need something to entertain me. But only in the next couple of minutes because my workday is almost over.

So hot.

Is today considered a hot day? I think I might be having the same issue you were having last night. People are wearing fur coats and parkas outside, and I'm sweating like a pig and wearing a tank top. One of my co-workers just stopped me at the lobby of my office building and asked me if I was cold, but there's sweat dripping off of my head, and my arms are burning. I seriously think there's an issue here. Maybe on Friady they'll tell me that I have a thyroid condition that forces me to retain body heat.

Let me tell you. There's this homeless guy that totally lives outside of our office building. He's always just sleeping on the grates outside, drinking, or eating something. On special occasions (like today), he just pees all over the sidewalk, right in front of the restaurants, right in front of the crowds of office people, with no discretion. Sometimes he just has his pants hanging down by his ankles while he's digging through the trash, and sometimes he's defacating on the curb in front of my office. Isn't that nice?

Anyway. I'm almost back from lunch. I have a lot of work to do. I'm going to snack on my Sensible Foods in a minute. How nice are the owners of that company to send me a free case?

I love them.

Doom.

Holy shit! I can't belive you owe the IRS! That's crazy. I remember having to pay the IRS when I moved out here, but it was just over a thousand dollars. I thought I was going to die back then. I can't imagine how you feel. Be sure to call them and see if it's accurate. You'd be surprised at how quickly someone will answer the phone over there, especially since it's after tax season.

Do you know that I just went to go and get a manicure, and the place was crowded. Can you imagine? I decided to go this late so that I could avoid the rush, and there were so many people there that I had to come back! I'm so mad. And I even paid $3 to get $20 out of the Bank of America ATM.

I'm ready to go home. My entire body aches and I'm dying to take a vacation. I'm so fat. While I was waiting in the nail place, I picked up an "OK" magazine and started reading. There were these pictures of Britney Spears before and after her VMA performance, and guess what?

My body is starting to look just like her AFTER photos.

I have to go home. I can't take it. Why is the day so long?

Oh good.

You're alive.
Welcome back.

I'm sorry, but this is so funny.

So I saw this headline today at msnbc.com: "Abdul says she’s straight up ready for a baby--‘American Idol’ judge reveals she’d like a tot within the next 2 years"

How fucking funny is that headline? I laughed out loud in my chair. And I just got done with lunch. I meant to tell you that I got my fruit snacks yesterday, so I put half of them in that box/bag combo you gave me last time, and whenever I see you next, I'll do the hand over. I haven't heard from you yet today, so you are either handcuffed to the kitchen table, or in production. Or you've quit.

I've been working on my training sheets again this morning. It gets more and more embarrassing each time I create one. That's all for now. I went down to the reception area earlier and there were about 400 people lined up for interviews. I swear. We hire like crazy, but then we break all of the ethical rules for employing people. Here, if you don't look or dress the part, you don't get hired. It's really true. Anyway. Let me know that you're alive. I don't like not hearing from you all morning!

I'm Barely Hanging On.

Trust me, I feel you on being tired. It's the allergens in the air. I totally feel like I'm walking around in a haze. I can barely hold my head up. I just got into work about an hour ago. I was still asleep when you went in this morning.

I got home last night around 9, so it was a 10 or 11 hour day. No biggie. I told myself I would watch Heroes and then go directly to bed at 10. Then I remembered my face is freaking out so I gave myself 30 minutes for a little cleansing, masking, and spot toning. Then I looked at email and downloaded music. Then it was 1:30. Then I opened my mail, including a letter from the IRS that says I didn't pay in 2003 and now I owe over $3300. I'm not kidding. What the hell am I supposed to do? That is not what one needs to see when going to bed. I'm a little freaked out. I mean, that's a LOT of money. And I totally thought I paid that off a year or two ago, but you've seen my apartment. You know I won't be able to find documentation of it. But I swear that was the thing I paid when the IRS sent the Big Boss a letter a long time ago saying they had to work something out with him so they could garnish my wages. And he told me to take care of it so he wouldn't have to deal with it. I'm so fucked.

Anyway. No, nothing exciting happened on the shoot last night. It was a snoozefest. I'm on the set again today until at least 11. We have two shoots, back to back. The Powers That Be decided that since we shoot like that when we're on location, we can shoot like that all the time. Because, you know, their staff needs no time for recoup or to actually do any of the post-production on anything. I'm so fucking behind on my deadlines.

I feel another panic attack coming on. I think you might have to come through my apartment with me and help me decide what to sell on ebay. You know I love my stuff, but how else am I going to pay the IRS? Fuck. I'm going to freak out in a minute. And this killer headache isn't helping.

Are you alive?

OMG. Can I tell you that there's something seriously wrong with me mentally? I went to sleep at 9.30 last night, woke up again at 3 a.m., and couldn't fall back asleep until 5 a.m. or so. When the alarm went off, I was so tired that I just called The Boss and told her that I would be in late. And that's just what I did. Came in at 10.15 or so. I'm still tired. I mean, I could understand this if I was a marathon runner, or worked overtime, or did much more than work and sleep, but it's totally ridiculous. And now that I'm in late, I'm really trying my best to get a whole lot of work done to make up for the fact that I'm a fat, lazy pig.

I just ate some potato salad and I have a ton of stuff to do, including another meeting at 2 p.m. I wanted to go and get a manicure at lunch, but I came in so late that I don't think I deserve to be able to go anywhere today.
How was the shoot yesterday? Anything exciting that I need to know?

You're right. I laughed.

I just laughed out loud because I thought you were kidding. How come you didn't ask me to come to your office? How funny would it have been to be eating lunch at the kitchen table together?

I just got out of the most unproductive meeting in the world. We had all the higher ups in there, with this huge agenda. We got to #1 on the agenda, and talked it to death for an hour. And now the meeting is over. I have to go and walk to the mailbox downstairs to mail some bills in a minute, but I had to share. I get all prepared for these meetings, and they end up being stupid. I didn't say one word during the entire meeting, either.

Shit. Gotta run. Time to go home!

No, seriously, that is IT.

I've had it.

I decided that since I am a growing boy, I needed to eat lunch, in spite of all my stomach pain. So I walked to Trader Joe's and bought stuff and then came back here to heat it and eat it. (Heat It and Eat It? Is that a new porn title? I think so...) Anyway, so I walk in to the kitchen area and heat my food. And now I'm eating it at my desk. You ask, "But Buck, why are you eating at your desk instead of at the kitchen table like usual?" Do you really want to know? Truly? I'll tell you why I'm sitting at my desk instead of the kitchen table.

It seems that one of our models (a model I hate) who is in town to shoot for us has found himself a little boyfriend for the weekend. This boy is on a leash. And that leash has been HANDCUFFED to a chair at my kitchen table. HANDCUFFED to the kitchen chair, Amy. What the fuck is that? Is that honestly the kind of environment in which I have to work? Everyone here (EVERYONE) thinks it is both cute and funny. I don't think it is funny in any way. I know you think it's funny because you are sitting at your desk laughing your ass off. But I think it is completely ridiculous and absurd and it makes me hate this world, this job, and especially this bubble I live in. Call me self-hating. Call me a hypocrite for doing this work and then having this kind of reaction. I don't care. Shouldn't I be able to just sit at my table and eat lunch without having to deal with others' shit like that?

And don't even get me started on the boy himself. This boy is basically a girl with balls. He is a very very dumb femme boy. (I heard him speaking, so I cannot stress how dumb he is.) He is kind of like that "Leave Britney alone!" guy. A mess. And he keeps telling everyone that he is "clever." If you have to tell people, then you're not.

I hate everything about my life at this very moment.

Sounds like an ulcer to me.

Hi. I'm so sorry you're falling apart. I totally think it's stress-related. I've gone through stuff like that, and it totally looks like we're in the same boat when it comes to weird shit forming on our faces. My skin is so dry, ugly, and cracking lately. In fact, I had to put on some cover up under my eye this morning because my eyes were so puffy and gross. Then, when I came into the work bathroom, I looked at myself under the flourescent lights (shouldn't we at least have natural lighting, or good lighting in a cosmetic company bathroom?) and saw that the cover up had caked up under my eye. So I made the entire trip to work with my undereyes looking a big mess. And everyone in my office is sick. I woke up to a sore throat both today and yesterday, and the girl you heard hacking and coughing the other day when you called me at work is still here, recovering from bronchitis. Nice!

Then, when I got on the train this morning, some girl comes and sits next to me and starts putting on her makeup for the entire ride. The whole time, I'm trying to listen to "Felicity" and she's elbowing me over and over again while she's putting on eyeshadow and taking her jacket off. She never even apologized, either. It made me so mad.

I would suggest that you make an appointment to see my new gastro doctor. Check to see if he's in your HMO network, and I'll give you his contact info. I really think you need to go to a specialist, or we'll never know what the issue is.

As for the thing on your nose, I know what that is. I'll bring you lancets so that you can get rid of it. Normally, I wouldn't ever suggest doing something like that, but I had that for a few months one time when I was constantly blowing my nose, and it wouldn't go away. Maybe you need a humidifier in your apartment. This is allergy season, so it's bound to be messing with your skin and your system.

For now, don't freak out. I feel so bad because I know all about your panic attacks. Do you want me to bring you something for lunch? I have a bit of a break before I have this HUGE meeting with the President and all of the other executives in the company at 3 p.m. I'm actually working on my presentation for them now, and today I chose to wear my Sunday best-- that is, flip flops, a wife beater, and jeans.

God. I'm going to be fired.

Totally Falling Apart.

Amy. I'm dying. Or something. I don't know what the hell is going on with me. Everyone at my office was sick last week but I haven't gotten it. Yet. But there are all these other issues. I feel like my body is shutting down on me. Maybe it's because I never exercise. Or that my diet is a joke. Whatever it is, I'm freaking out.

The under-skin bump is back on the side of my nose. It's ready to grow and eat my face. AND the zit or ingrown hair or whatever it is is back on the inside of my nose. And it hurts like a bitch. Oh, and I have a sty. In my right eye. I'm the right eye sty guy. Great. And yesterday I was hanging out with friends at this huge party and toward the end, everyone I knew disappeared. And I lost it. I had a total panic attack and ended up running from one end of the thing to the other just so I could get out and away from all the people. I was nearly hyperventilating. I thought I was going to start crying at any minute. And my stomach hurt SO BAD. I didn't even eat dinner or anything because it was such a mess. What is going on?

Anyway. I keep taking it all as signs that I need to move. Or at least make a major change. Astrologyzone lied to me because I certainly didn't come into any money at the end of September. Bastards. I wonder what lies they have for me for October?

I came in super-late today. I have a shoot this evening. Good times. I may have a shoot this afternoon as well but of course no one says anything to me. I have a ton of deadline-drive stuff to get to, so I have to cut this short.

Just know that I ate some coffee cake about ten minutes ago and now my stomach is pissed.

Mandolin, Mandolin.

Hi.
Today I got a mandolin. So I can slice vegetables. I'M SO EXCITED! I just made nuoc cham and I think I got it right. I sat and squeezed limes until my face turned blue with the lemon reamer, and then had lemonjello remove this stubborn jade bracelet from my arm, using Pam cooking spray. It worked. My arm is free again!

Then I just made Korean potato salad. They usually serve it as an appetizer, and it has ham, fuji apples, onions, potato, and carrots in it with a special mayonnaise-based sauce. Of course I don't know how to use portion control, so I made it with two of the biggest potatoes I could find, and it ended up being so much salad that I had to put it into three different containers into the fridge. A little later, I'll be making the vermacelli noodles for dinner.

We went to the Farmer's Market today, as usual. That place is SO much fun, and even more fun because it's right near our apartment. We went to look at cats at the pet store, then to Trader Joe's, then to get my eyebrows threaded because the lady who normally does them has been missing in action for a month. I went to this Indian boutique to get them done. It was a trip! The place was set up like a store, and right in the middle, there are several hair cutting stations set up. Very bizarre. But you have to appreciate that Asians will do anything and everything to make a buck. Anyway. The lady who did my eyebrows was probably the most unfriendly person in the entire universe. I guess when you're charging $7 for a threading, you can be as nasty as you want. In any case, she was done in about a minute and my eyebrows are really thin, but they're cleaned up. I had been walking around looking like Frida Kahlo for about a month now.




So that was that. Now it's almost 4 p.m. and I have a ton of laundry and cleaning to do. Next week, work is going to be hell. I can feel it. I have an important meeting with the prez tomorrow afternoon, so I really need to get prepared. I was supposed to take some more work home with me this weekend, but I didn't have a chance to do it.

My arm feels so free now that the jade is gone. Now, according to Chinese legend, I'll have bad luck for years to come. Bring it on. It can't get any worse.

I love the gays. And Vietnamese Noodles.

Guess what I ate today? And what I'm going to make tomorrow for dinner? Vegetarian Vietnamese vermicelli noodles! I had to have them after I saw you having them, so I got online and got the recipe for nuoc cham (the sauce that goes with all things Vietnamese) and also for the noodle dish. Easy breezy. I love Asian markets because we went to one today, and they are SO much cheaper than your average American grocery store. I think I may have to go on a strict Vietnamese diet. I look at what is offered as their daily diet, and realize that it consists primarily of fresh herbs, rice noodles, and nuoc cham!! Sold.

When I perfect it, I'm going to make it for you. Then you can pay me $6 when I make it for you. I make for you.

So we went to the Asian grocery that a Chinese bakery in it, so we invested $.99 in some hot dogs rolled up in Chinese buns. I know it sounds gross, but it's the best thing that Chinese bakeries make, aside from their fruit cakes. The bread is different in Chinese bakeries. They're sweet. And oh-so yummy.

I totally think you're lactose intolerant rather than celiac. Seriously. The pizza has a ton of cheese, and that'll fuck someone up in a minute, especially if you don't eat dairy often. I hate dairy. Except for Ben and Jerry's Creme Brulee ice cream. OMG. So good.

But I do feel bad for you that you feel sick. I hope it passes today. It's especially pretty outside.

So yes. I love the gays. Especially the ones you hate. The thing is, I think straight women find the queeny ones really entertaining. There are some uppity homosexuals who work with me. The ones I like are the gays in the Merchandising department. The ones who are higher ups are kind of stand-offish. Speaking of gays, I think you need to submit me to Tim Gunn's Guide to Style. Can you do that for me? My ass needs a new wardrobe, and the fatter I get, the tighter these tank tops look against my stomach. Consider it.

I'm about ready to take a nap now. It's about that time. And of course, one hour into my long ass nap, you'll call me and wake me up and apologize for calling and waking me during one of my many naps on a lazy Saturday afternoon. OOOH! You have friends visiting this weekend. Hope you guys are having the pretty weather that's happening on my side of the ocean.

Maybe I lied.

I had gluten-y cookies yesterday and felt no pain, so I decided to push the limit and have a few pieces of pizza for dinner. Bad idea. I was seriously curled up in pain all night and had to spend half the night in the bathroom. Too much information? It sucked. And my stomach is still sort of killing me.

I forgot to comment on your tyrade against working with a bunch of beavers. Imagine that, multiplied, and you have my office. We are a bunch of fags, so there is all sorts of whispering, mocking behind backs, and shady dealings, just like you have with the ladies. But add to that an inordinant amount of burping, walking around the office with one's hand down one's pants (and I'm talking about the bosses, not the models), and bathrooms where people don't seem to understand how the roll of toilet paper makes it onto the little roller mounted on the wall. It is gross. And I remember every time you mention one of the queens you work with, you mention that he's usually femme. I think that's a natural thing that occurs. When I'm at my part-time gig, I work with one guy and a lot of women. I turn into a sassy, flaming mess. There's something internal that takes over where I feel like I have to act like a big fucking girl to make everyone feel safe or something. I don't get it. I mean, you've been to my porn office. We're a bunch of homos, but we're not exactly a femme-y bunch. But put one of us around a bunch of women and something flips. It's very strange. You women hold some sort of power over men, even the gay ones.

I know you love the gays, but have you ever met one you really didn't like? Every time I meet a gay dude who acts like a complete asshole, he has girls SWARMING around him. They eat it up. What is that about?

Does this happen at your office?

God, sorry I suck. You've posted three times in a row and I haven't even had a minute to read them until now. We have been so crazy busy the past couple days. I'm afraid it's going to be like this for another week and a half. I am so excited to go to bed and it's 10 o'clock on a Friday night.

It has just been a steady stream of people at the office this week. Like, large groups of men from here and there just show up and a different boss grabs them and gives them a tour. Sometimes we lowly employees get introductions, but usually it's like a roll call as they fly by our desks. Today one small group actually stopped at each of our desks to shake hands and stuff, which is rare. Another group got the tour where they were just whisked through at high speed and all our names were just yelled out with an arm shot in our direction, but most of the names we were called were wrong. My name is not Chuck, Amy. It is Buck. And my last name does not have an S at the end. And my coworker's last name is not that of a superhero. Our company is not that big, we work with these people every day, you'd think they'd know who the hell we are at this point. It's been years.

And even though it's tough to do it, sometimes I forget where I work. I walked past my Big Boss's desk and saw some guy sitting across from it having a meeting. A minute later I walked by again and that same guy was standing without a shirt, showing the Big Boss his abs. A minute later, I turn toward the desk again and the guy is taking his pants off and standing there buck naked. And I was actually, like, shocked. Then I remembered that hi, I work in a porn studio and naked men walk by my desk pretty much every day, often stopping by my desk to ask me for favors. I've often wondered if they purposely do the favor-asking in the nude thinking it will somehow influence me to do whatever they want. I think they forget that I have to sit there all day retouching all their flaws and their bodies are nothing more to me than projects. And the few that actually do impress or intrigue me with their bodies usually have a face or personality that makes me want to run screaming in the other direction.

So I ate cookies. Gluten-y, delicious cookies. And I don't notice any issues. I'm so freaked out about what's going on with my body. My doctor, after three weeks, finally called me back to tell me that all of my stomach and intestinal tests came back negative for anything bad. So what the hell has been going on with my stomach these past two months or so? Has it all been stress? I ran into a friend of mine last night and we were discussing jobs and living in SF and I mentioned my desire to possibly move north as a means of escaping the industry in which I work. And he looked at me, flabbergasted, and said, "But you love your job!" I was like, "Um, I hate it." And he just shook his head and said, "No one stays at a job for as many years as you have and hates it." Is that true? Do I secretly love my job? Say it isn't so.

I think I've been at this job for so long out of fear. Fear of change. Fear of being judged in a different job for working in porn for more than a few months. Fear that a real schedule would kill my bohemian lifestyle fantasy. I've been stuck so long in this secondary roll that I think maybe I'm afraid to really put myself out there and prove that I'm more than what my job title says I am. Or maybe being stuck in this roll for so long has just made me feel like I am nothing more than what I already am. How depressing is that?

Ugly Betty in the House.

You know, I secretly love being a part of an industry full of bitchy women. I mean, I hate the politics of it, but I love observing. I'm totally fascinated with how women work together. On the surface, it looks totally kosher. We smile and we're kind to each other, help each other out occassionally... but there's always some hidden hatred for one another. It makes me laugh every single day. Let me tell you what happened earlier.

Our work areas are set up in such a way that each department owns their own little hub. You've seen it, so you can picture it. So when someone comes into our area, they can talk to all of us at once. Earlier today, someone came to our area to look for The Boss. Me and my other team member told her nicely that she had gone to a meeting, so she turned and left. My team member and I then turned around to each other and both started mouthing rude things about her when she walked away. Then we started to laugh really loud. I'm such a bitch. But seriously-- the person who came to us was the same person I told you about the other day over lunch (Remember?..."There's this woman I work with, and she's a bitch"?!) It was such typical cosmetic girl behavior that I felt ashamed about it afterward. But I realized that she wasn't like the Ugly Betty of the office. That's me. But she's like one of the snobby bitches on the show who doesn't know that everyone thinks she's a bitch. God, is she.

Anyway, I wish I could just stay out of it, but I swear that hatred and un-ladylike behavior permeates my office. I honestly believe that all cosmetics companies are like this. Put a bunch of women in one office, and you're screwed.

More Work Makes Amy a Dull Girl.

I am so slow. Painfully slow. And since I've been tasked to be the know-all on all of the training sheets for all of our new makeup launches, I spend hours cutting, pasting, and trying to re-write flowery hoo-ha so that we can train our sales folks better. You should see the page I just put together. Nobody would have guessed that I wrote it because it's so nauseatingly disgusting. I'll forward it to you. But it's top secret because it hasn't launched yet.

Speaking of nauseatingly disgusting, I made my own version of a Vietnamese sandwich last night to bring to lunch because I felt that I didn't want to spend $3.75 on buying one everyday at lunchtime. Bad mistake. It took about 20 minutes just to prepare the sandwich, and then when I ate it, it tasted nothing like the one that the authentic Vietnamese people made for me the other day. So I'm going to stop trying. Besides, making pickled carrots and trying to preserve cilantro for more than two days almost killed me. It's way too much work.

Something funny happened to me today. I had this meeting with one of the departments, where they asked me to write their training sheets as well. So I agree, because I really don't have the right not to accept this new responsibility, and I go upstairs to tell The Boss that I've just added this to my very full plate. She gets right on the phone and calls the manager of that department, telling her that I will not be doing any additional work, and that they need to come to her before giving me more work. Basically, she didn't want me to be anyone else's bitch. But I'm everyone's bitch. She just doesn't know it.

I hope your shoot is going well. I don't know when I'll be able to leave here, but I think I'll take off right at 5 and then see if I can come to see you and pass off the goods. My bag is so heavy. I hope to get this to you after work today. I'll catch the later train home.

Hello? Entertain me!

Sweet Nothings.

I hate the whispery nature of the cosmetics industry. All day long, I hear people whispering about each other, then smiling at each other as they walk by. It's so fake.

I am so mad. This morning, I was really craving yogurt and honey, like they have at the place just outside of my building, and I went there and they didn't have any today because they ran out of granola. I had to get a big ass thing of fruit instead, even though I wasn't in the mood for fruit at all.

I'm sorry you're in production all day today. Sorry for me, that is. That means I get no e-mails. But I sure did get an e-mail from amazon today, telling me that my order has finally shipped! Normally they send those messages and the package shows up on the same day. If that's the case, it would be perfect for us to meet up today so that we can swap, like fat friends should.

Today I'm really trying to concentrate and get a majority of my work done before the weekend. I was so tired last night after work that I just crashed at about 9.30 and didn't wake up until 5 a.m. I had this dream that Lemonjello came to me and told me that he really wanted me to buy Ugg boots and furry-lined jeans. He had taken pictures of these girls who were wearing jeans that had the traditional Ugg shearling all around the waist and on the bottom, and really wanted me to wear things like that. I got up and was angry this morning because I didn't want to wear Ugg boots.

Well my dear, I'm off to start with more training sheets. Isn't that a trip? They give that job to the least interested person in the company.

Out of Touch.

So today is going to suck because on top of all these deadlines I have, I'm going to have to be on set for most of the day as well. We are in full-on production mode, which is almost never fun. So I might not be as blog or email accessible as usual.

I still haven't heard if these people are going to change my Saturday shoot or not. It is ridiculous how many channels I have to go through in such a small company, yet no one will make a fucking decision. And if a decision is made, it's never stuck to. It's not like I'm asking for a miracle here. It's one fucking shoot that can be moved to Monday or Tuesday. What is the big deal?

Maybe I'm just in a bad mood because I wasted an hour of my life last night watching that ridiculous Bionic Woman premiere. Seriously, the writing on that show is atrocious. I thought I was watching the CW or something. Just because the star can jump really far and whatnot does not mean that the show will automatically be good. The lines were awful, and the acting wasn't good, and the lead....she just didn't do anything. I realize it was the first episode and they had to lay some groundwork and everything, but it was just so...corny. I'm all for suspension of disbelief (hello, I still think Buffy is the best show to ever be made), but that show was plain old dumb.

Um, I have to get back to retouching these ugly porn bitches. I am so behind it hurts. I'll see you later for the Sensible Foods hand-off. I'm sure I'll be in touch before that though.

Larabar.

I ate the Larabar for my lunch. That is, before I ate Sun Chips. I didn't like the way the bar looked or the consistency, but I ate it anyway. The flavor I had wasn't all that bad. I had to take a break when I ate it, though. Someone told me that it had enough calories in it to be an entire meal.




That made me feel good, but not as good as it made me feel to eat a bag of Sun Chips. I knew I shouldn't have talked so much about how Monday and Tuesday went by so quickly. Today has been the slowest day on earth, and I'm completely unmotivated to do anything. My allergist prescribed some more asthma medication for me. I think he's trying to kill me. I was just there two weeks ago and he gave me samples and another prescription. Maybe he knows something that I don't. Maybe he has ESP and knows that I'm going to have an asthma attack soon and wanted to warn me.

I'm back to looking at more makeup and reading message boards about our brand online. I am so tired I think I might fall asleep right here.

Pick Your Color.

Hi. Surprise, surprise. I disappeared for a brief moment to go and get a pedicure because my dragon claw nails were starting to look horrid. Horrid enough, in fact, for me to have to wear running shoes all week. So they're fixed now. I love going to get treatments. You know this. So let me tell you what transpired in the past couple of hours.

My obsession with office supplies led me to buy some of those gel wrist pads and what not for my computer to curb any onset of carpal tunnel syndrome. So I got one for my new optical mouse, and one for the base of my keyboard. They smell so new and plasticky that I want to hurl, but the good thing about it is that it's making me lose my appetite, so I don't want to eat. Just yet.

Sometimes I wish that the people at the nail place would give me a loyalty discount or something. I'm in there every two weeks. I guess a business is a business, though, so I really can't do much about that. It's honestly the only thing I spend my money on lately. I just need to get out of this debt, and I'll be so much happier.

If I get hungry later, I'm going to go for this Larabar. According to its wrapper, it has no added sugar, is unprocessed, non-GMO, gluten-free, dairy free, soy free, vegan and kosher. I really shouldn't have a reaction to this one. If I like it, it might end up being my breakfast bar of choice.

Congrats on your photo being used! That seems to be a constant struggle for you there. How come they always take credit for your work? That makes me so mad. I feel like if you were appropriately credited, you'd be a fucking rock star by now! Help me think up my tagline for my other site. I need it to go up and I need people to take it seriously. Where the hell are my fucking fruit snacks?

Gurl, Fuck That Job.

Oh My God. I'm so over this place today. Again.

The Big Boss just called me and Coop in to bitch about the fact that he's having a hard time reading the text in one of our tiny, 3x4 inch ads. He wants 1000 things crammed into this tiny space, and he wants it to look professional and artistic, but then he continues to bitch if we throw an effect on any text so it doesn't look all flat and like we just threw it on there. Maybe he needs to accept the fact that he is getting much older and his eyes can't see tiny little details when they have to be forced into a small space. I think maybe he was just mad because it was his name that he was having a hard time reading.

ARGH.

Anyway...haha, I got my Sensible Foods snacks and you didn't. I wonder what the hold up is on your shipment. I was just bitching to myself earlier about the fact that I needed to go to Trader Joe's and buy more snacks. Now I can sit here chained to my desk and never have to leave. I'm falling right into your plan, porn people.

Oh, get this. We have a new movie coming out soon and we just got the poster in for it. Coop used a picture I shot for the poster and box cover because the Big Boss LOVED it. (Hello, it was a layout I was told to shoot however I wanted because it will "never get used for anything because the model is not usable for any magazine." And now it's a box cover and they loved my style, even though I always get bitched at for being too "arty" and not porn enough. Bite it, bitches.) So anyway, I showed the poster to one of the stars of the film yesterday and he was super-excited and kept saying how he loved the photo. I explained to him that The Boss (not the Big Boss) was really pissed that my photo was being used instead of his and had even fought with Coop over it. So the star comes into the studio this morning, holding up the poster in front of him, and he goes, all loud in front of The Boss, "Buck, this poster is awesome! That picture is soooo amazing and it's totally going to sell this movie. The picture is just FANTASTIC! I'm so glad that picture was used! Awesome."

Bwahahahahaha!