I hate when you're absent.

So its almost 2 p.m. and you should see my desk. It's a complete and utter mess, with piles and piles of paper and files everywhere. I planned on organizing it so that when I come in on Monday, I won't feel cluttered and hateful, but I have this huge headache and it won't go away.

I'm so glad you text messaged me this morning. This morning, my e-mail box has been SO empty. So I had that Friday meeting as usual, so I missed your call. I came in and ate two bananas and some hot ginger honey tea to try to make my stomach feel better, but it doesn't. And I just warmed up some chicken broth and rice to eat for lunch. The boss had ordered some of those gluten-free cookies from amazon (cases and cases), so now I have about 12 boxes of Lemon Shortbread and Swirl Shortbread cookies stashed under my desk. I'm positive that the cleaning people come to my desk at night and wonder why someone who works in cosmetics would be eating cookies so voraciously. What a fucking trip! I just realized that I also have the team refrigerator AND team food drawer at my desk. It's one of those drawers that opens on its own, too! I can just see the custodian coming in and seeing nothing but paper on everyone else's desk and seeing all of these huge bozes of cookies, a refrigerator and a drawer full of granola, Girl Scout Cookies, Mike and Ike's, Sour Patch Kids, Hawaiian chocolate, Chai tea mix, and garlic and herb crackers all in my area. God! I can just see him/her telling all of the other custodial staff about the one desk in the cosmetic company that is stained with chocolate fingerprints and cane sugar. And I also don't have any photos on my desk of me and a flood of happy girlfriends with our arms around each other. The custodial conclusion would be this: a ton of food + no photos = fat ass.

Speaking of voracious eating, I think I have a misconception about gluten-free food. I automatically think it's good for you since it doesn't have gluten. I use it as an excuse sometimes to eat four or five large cookies. I don't know any better. Just an FYI. These shortbread cookies are 7 grams of fat per serving. And one serving is one cookie.





You should see my food diary. I've only been doing it for four days now and half of the food is completely wrong and fattening, and the other half is to quell my nausea from eating those same fattening gluten-rich, soy-rich, peanut-rich and corn-rich food. Since I'm allergic to all of these ingredients, I really should be about 100 pounds. Instead, I binge on all of the foods when I miss them, and now look at me.

So anyway. I'm sorry to hear that you're in hell. Who knew that shooting porno wasn't as glam as we all thought it to be? Maybe they'll give you a day off when you get back. In the meantime, I'll send positive thoughts your way.

I just had to do a search for an article on a new mascara formula. Thank god for google.